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Renee CK

writer, editor, tweetable http://twitter.com/chicskirt

I'm a fun girl who's on a quest to figure it all out. I'm cynical but living the dream- I'm not sure how that happened exactly. Follow along in my blog for fun, mayhem, and merriment. There's never a dull day! (Or, go download my book!)...

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I'm not Sorry

being confident means never having to say you're sorry

There are words I’ve removed from my vocabulary.  Don’t get me wrong, they do come up every once in awhile as needed, but as I heard myself saying them, I realized they are toxic words and I don’t need to use them.  My word for today is “sorry”.

This one comes up today because there is a Parent-Teacher Organization planning meeting that I should go to as my daughter’s co-room parent.  I dreaded it because I know there will be huge pressure for me to head some vital activity such as Bingo Night or the Fal Festival.  There are a few reasons I can’t or choose not to even attend these events, let alone head them up.  The main one is that my son is not good in large, busy crowds  The other reasons are Cub Scouts, Girls Scouts, soccer, co-room mom, reading mom, Autism Speaks, karate, and my book is about to be published.  I am not sorry in the least for any one of these activities, yet I can already hear myself saying “I’m sorry, I can’t”.  But I’m not sorry!  I’ve committed to things that I feel directly impact my family.

I heard myself saying it when I held a dissenting opinion as well.  “I’m sorry but I don’t think they should get a dog right after they move.”  Why should I apologize for my feelings?  What am I sorry for? That people might not agree with me?  Maybe someone does agree with me and didn’t have the balls to say it.  Regardless, it’s what I feel and I’m not going to apologize for it.

On the converse side of this are the profuse apologies my children end up having to give.  I think this is how “I’m sorry” becomes such an automatic phrase in our vocabulary, but there are times when my kids genuinely need to apologize.  The apology my son does with most frequency is to his best friend who automatically says “it’s okay”.  Her mother is brilliant in pointing out that it’s not okay.  He did something which hurt you, hurt your feelings, or in some other way wronged you.  He needed to apologize.  Instead of saying “it’s okay”, she instead says “I accept your apology.”  I love that.  Not only does it validate the fact that my kid needed to apologize, but it opens the door for me to say “You really hurt her by _____________. What can you do differently next time?”

As a professional word slinger, words are very important to me.  What we say, how we say it.  I am not a fan of saying one thing when you mean another and “I’m sorry” is one of those phrases that instantly negates the sincerity of the words that we say.  It weakens our words and our beliefs.  It begins to open the door to you being seen as soft.  “Tell her that you put her on that committee. She won’t fuss too much.”  NO!  I mean what I say. I am not sorry for it.  I am not sorry that it means you might have to do a bit more work in finding someone else to help out.  I am not sorry that you do not like what I’m saying.  Insinuating anything different is to suggest that I have not thought about what I say and do- and I do. 

And I’m not sorry!

Enjoy!
Renee