Step Away from the Sext and No One Gets Hurt

Last night, Lifetime aired an original film called: Sexting in Suburbia. While Lifetime's serious and sobering take on the digital phenomenon was fictional, the actual fad is all too shamefully real.

Call me a prude, but sexting can only lead to bad news. You might think it's fun the first few times around, but sooner or later it's going to wreak havoc on your otherwise tidy life. So, if you're gonna engage in it, tread very carefully. Here are some potential pitfalls for the would-be sexter, should you decide to engage in such complete and utter nonsense:

The Caught-Cheating Sexter

So, your relationship is on the rocks and you found someone (be it trolling a bar, at the office water cooler or online Tweeting your life away). Inevitably, you exchange digits. Since this person gets your freak on, you decide to send them a little something extra special courtesy of your smartphone. But hold on a second! You might wanna make sure your current mate doesn't use your phone, else that flirty little text of yours is gonna come back to rear its ugly head, perhaps to the tune of a date in divorce court. (Or, if you're not married, you'll no doubt enjoy picking up every single piece of clothing you own off the front lawn. On a Monday morning. When your neighbors are taking out the trash. Just as the school bus driver makes his most-crowded stop.)

The Accidental Sexter

Awww, yeah. You're all hot and bothered and thinking, I'm gonna send my honey something to rock his world, when much to your horror you hit send too soon. Oh, no! Who did it go to? You check your send list and -- eeeks! -- it went to your boss. That will be an interesting discussion on Monday. But, you had to spice things up, didn't you? Sucks to be you.

The Too-Soon Sexter

You're ready to move things to the next level. But, your new partner? Well, not so much. A fast-forward to the next step with a spontaneous sext quickly turns your relationship from hot to very, very not.

The Ghost of Sexts Past

Sure, you're not famous now. But, who's to say one day you won't be? And even if you're not going to be on the cover of People magazine, there's still a lot at stake. Those nasty little sexts from a previous entanglement could come back to haunt your professional, personal and public life. So, zip up and behave like a respectable human being -- even if you have to fake it. If you plan on being successful and leading a remotely public life then keep it where it belongs, in your pants. Or perhaps you like being called Weiner wherever you go. Maybe that's your thing, who knows? We all know how well that worked out for him, don't we?

So, for the love of God (or whoever it is you worship, be it Allah, Buddha or Steve Jobs) please don't sext. But if you really can't control yourself, remove me from your contact list 'cause I really don't need the eyeful. Thanks.

About Me: I'm a writer and humorist who blogs regularly for my own site You Hadda Be There. I'm a new member of Skirt! and welcome private messages and commentary.

© 2012 Nicole Dauenhauer