In Defense of Mile-High Celebs

Normally, I wouldn't defend celebrities. Why do they need my defending when they got the world on a string and I have less than two pennies to rub together? True as that may be, I do like to point out stupidity where and whenever I can. And, that time is now.

In case you haven't noticed, there's been a rash of celebrity vs. airline incidents. More often than not, these incidents result in the celebrity being asked to de-board, or if things get really dicey, actually being physically removed from the plane. In all but a few of the cases, the reasons for these H-wood bigwigs' dismissals is downright silly. So, let's examine some of the more recent unexpected departures, shall we?

ALEC BALDWIN VS. AMERICAN AIRLINES

On a recent flight in LA, Baldwin was apparently so engrossed in a game of WORDS WITH FRIENDS that he refused to turn off his cell phone mid-move. Instead, he locked himself in the lavatory to continue his game. I mean, who among us hasn't been there? You're just about to make a triple-word 50-point score using a Q, an X and a J -- and no one, not even the FAA is going to stop you from making that move. Screw the 200+ passengers, especially the suckers in coach, waiting for you to claim victory over the board. Seriously, why should you wait 6 hours for the plane to land to make that move? Now, yes, I am sorta kinda tearing Alec a new one over this, but my beef is really with the airline. I find it really hard to believe that Alec was considered any kind of dangerous threat to passenger safety. A nuisance, sure. But about 40% of the people on an average flight are a friggin' nuisance. (Namely the woman with the hacking cough, the man who has the jimmy legs in the seat behind me and the infant who won't quit crying.) I am just having trouble believing Alec's brattiness was worth all the trouble of tossing him off the plane.

Alec Baldwin makes light of his American Airlines dismissal on SNL.

BILLY JOE ARMSTRONG VS. SOUTHWEST

Remember that airline -- it's gonna come up again soon as a repeat offender. The Greenday singer was tossed off an Oakland flight because -- gasp -- his pants were hanging too low. Let me restate that, because it bears repeating. Billy Joe Armstrong was kicked off a Southwest flight because his pants were too loose. I shit you not. I'm sorry, is there some kind of dress code I'm unaware of? Last I checked, Lady GaGa can board a plane with a spiked bra, 12-inch stiletto boots and entirely wrapped in chains -- but Billy Joe can't pass muster with loose pants? Um, hypocrite much? Hey, it's not the 1950s -- we no longer wear 3-piece suits and smoke cigarettes on planes. People want to be comfortable when they fly in a tin can for 6+ hours. And, not for nothing, I've seen greater crimes of fashion committed during airline travel than baggy pants. In fact, I wish I could unsee some of those unfortunate ensembles. And, every one of those fashion violators was allowed to continue to their destination point unprovoked. Go figure.

Lady GaGa goes through airport security -- in a spiked bustier.

KEVIN SMITH VS. SOUTHWEST

Same airline, same departure point as Billy Joe Armstrong. Hmm. I'm sensing a trend. This time, the offense? Smith was deemed too fat to fly. Yep, you read that right. Now, sure he's a big guy. But we've all seen bigger. That didn't stop Southwest from ousting him. Seems discriminatory, seems really insensitive -- because it is. Case closed. Should he have bought a second seat? Maybe. But that still doesn't change the fact that Southwest really needs a lesson in customer relations. And, not for nothing -- but why is any celebrity flying Southwest? 

JOSH DUHAMEL VS. US AIRWAYS

Never mind Southwest, why is any celebrity flying US Airways? Not unlike Alec Baldwin, Duhamel's crime against the airline industry was refusing to turn off his blackberry. Bratty. For sure. But reason to kick someone off a plane? Come on. Take the man's toy away and take off. People got places to go.

GERARD DEPARDIEU VS. AIR FRANCE

OK. This one involves bodily fluids, so it's tricky. I will say this much, the man has a prostate problem and had to pee. Let the man use the bathroom. If he was allowed to use the bathroom, the whole thing could have been avoided. Attempting to pee in a bottle while taxiing down the runway is certainly not preferable and likely damn near impossible. Should he have worn a garment to protect himself in such an emergency? Perhaps. But, mistakes happen. What next? Are we going to kick people off the plane for tossing their cookies into an air sickness bag? I'm pretty sure Gerard didn't wanna be pee into a bottle, but shit happens.

There are other airline vs. celebrity mishaps, but by now you get the gist. I just don't get why all of these incidents couldn't have been solved with some civil conversation and rationalization. Flying is a bitch. People want to be comfortable. They're paying way more than they should be for very little service. Shit, they don't even feed you anymore on domestic flights. (Sorry Jet Blue, the little bag of Terra Blue potato chips ain't even enough to tide Nicole Richie over for 7 hours, much less the likes of me. Nice try.) And, if Lady GaGa can dress like she's just come off her shift at the S&M Lounge, then we can wear baggy jeans. Nuff said.

About Me: I'm a writer and humorist who blogs regularly for my own site You Hadda Be There. I'm a new member of Skirt! and welcome private messages and commentary.

© 2011 Nicole Dauenhauer