#2 Best Moment in Reality TV

One of the things What to Expect When You're Expecting doesn't prepare you for is watching TV with your teenaged son.  Sixteen years have passed since I devoured that book, analyzing every change in my big-bigger-biggest body, searching for a guiding light.  But there was no preparation in that or any book I have read since, for the scene in my family room last night.

Deuce and I decided to have a picnic for dinner.  There were just two of us at home on this night, so we ate our healthy home-cooked meals on trays in front of the TV.   He was the man of the house, in charge of the remote control.  He zipped through about 400 channels before settling on VH1, which seemed like a nice choice.  Back in my day, it carried music videos of Fleetwood Mac and REM.  But this evening's show was a recap of the top moments in reality TV.  Since I don't watch reality TV shows, I had no idea what to expect.  I was relaxing, thinking about Ozzie & Harriet. 

We tuned in just in time for the "#2 Best Moment in the History of Reality TV."   This was an episode from the show "Cheaters," which features a clueless spouse finding out her spouse is cheating on her.  And she is presented with the delightful opportunity to catch him in the act and confront him, all for the benefit of the viewing audience.

The horror of the moment built slowly.  My tired-mom brain was stirring, thinking uh-oh, this can't be good, when the woman being cheated on and the entire TV crew burst into the hotel room where her unsuspecting spouse was discovered ..... dressed in a leather speedo with matching mask, handcuffed and perched like a doggie on the bed, while the tall black dominatrix (who may or may not have been a transvestite) was whipping him.

You have got to be kidding me.  It'sFamily Hour, for God's sake!

Bedlam ensued on screen.  And in my mind.  Somewhere deep in my brain, I knew this was what school teachers and psychologists call a "teachable moment."  But I couldn't for the life of me find the words to even begin to express what I felt.....

Make it go away !

..... Until the  pitiful man who had been discovered in his leather speedo, explained to his wife he was just trying to save their marriage by working out "some intimacy issues."

I am paralyzed!

Then she did as any sensible woman would do .... she whopped him upside the head with her pocketbook.

That did it.  I busted out laughing, and so did my son.  We laughed and laughed and laughed some more, til I finally squeaked out the only words I could think of:  "Change the channel."

The teachable moment was gone.  He switched to "That 70's Show," which usually horrifies me, since it's about teenagers who smoke pot and have sex with everyone.  But on this night, it seemed downright wholesome.  I was pathetically grateful, and not just because I have a crush on Ashton Kutcher.

I think I'll have to do the right parenting thing, and rig all our TV's so they show only The Weather Channel.  But I won't write the gals at What to Expect When You're Expecting to have them add a new chapter.  We'll just let all the sweet unsuspecting moms-to-be continue to think that labor is the hardest thing they'll have to do.

P.S.  Speaking of tired-mom brains, this is a summer rerun.  I posted this ages ago, on Skirt's Atlanta page.  And when Skirt moved to this new format my Atlanta blogs vanished.  It think my mom and sister were the only people who ever read it, so here it is again .... new and improved.