I'm watching Chopped

I watch tv with very little intention.  I have no intention of watching anything on it.  Sometimes I watch Chopped, and I hate it.

I hate food shows in general--watching other people eat?  Watching other people cook?  who cares?  We aren't getting to experience any of the intimacy off the food!  It's the ultimate in voyerism. 

So, I keep watching it anyway because I am --believe it or not--a chef.

I am a pastry chef, went to culinary school, and I'm qualified to watch other chefs cook.

Currently on the show, Chef Aurthur is paniking like a homemaker giving a baby shower for a step sister she could never measure up to.

(I use to be a homemaker too and I've given babyshowers) 

There is always a chef that has a lot to prove,  Aurthur--in his intro clip was screaming at some apprentices that work for him at his fancy restaurant where he's sure to have a heart attack and die prematurely.

Being a chef is not so much as a carreer choice as it is a Vocation--you marry that restaurant.  You live there, sometimes you sleep there, you drink there, eat there, take all  your phone calls there, meet famous people there, meet lousy people there, get arrested there...stuff like that.  And if you own it, you are responsible for all the people who work there and they are all doing this stuff there too, plus you pay them.

So, Arthur, is young, 22, and he's got a lot to prove, he even broke down crying during the appetizer presentation...really?  Pull it together Executive Chef--it's a far cry from screaming at that apprentice in the opening clip, huh?

but I like this show, because, I could never make what they make in  a half an hour, hell I coudn't do that in half a day! 

Now Chef Sonia is crying!  My god, It could be possible the Culinary Industry needs to get ahold of some Magellan Services, clearly they need to let go of some stress.  Sonia said she had a kid, and got all choked up.

So far the only one holding it together is the Cocky little French guy with the shitty tattoo on his arm.   Let's see if they send him home.

Between all of these dishes they show the chefs talking amongst themselves and they are all pretentious jerks.--As only chefs can be.

Once I was working at a restaurant, and a chef came along and he wanted me to taste this chicken dish he made--so I did.  And he asked ho wI felt about it, and I said, "it's salty,"...not because, I thought I knew more, not because I wanted to embarass him infront of the other chefs and cooks, but because , it was salty.

He got mad, and basically said, I didn't know shit about food becasue I was the pastry chef and a woman--and well no matter what I don't know, it was still salty.

Chef Aurthur was chopped--he should be more concerend that he's living pay check to pay check and he needed 10 grand to buy an engagement ring.  He needs money management.

Chef french guy, and chef sonia are making desserts now both trying to win the 10 grand.

Chef french guy doens't know what his ingredients are, and he's about to poision the judging pannel with seeds no one should eat. 

Sonia, knows more about Chirymoia and hasn't put posion seeds in her dessert, and now,

Frenchie burned the caramel, and he's about to fall apart.  Sonia is making bread pudding in a frying pan.

Frenchie put too much milk in his dessert, he has one minute to plate this disaster....and I think he might win anyway.

maybe not.  Sonia's panfried bread pudding looks better--but lacks the intimacy of us eating it.

I never get to sample food like I use to when I worked at restaurants, working at the supermarket bakery doesn't bring alot of fancy desserts my way, but I do get to sample my fair share of mass produced pre packaged cakes, and I weigh in on all of them with opinions like,

"It tastes like chemicals..."

"there's a funny after taste..."

"the icing pulls off in a slab, but if i break the cake into two pieces i can make a sandwich with it"

Do I miss fancy dancy cooking and working in restuarants and catering parties? 

No.

I don't marry the supermarket, if I have a premature heart attack and die, the supermarket will provide a nice death benefit, and send my family a card.

Now we see who wins the 10 grand.  10 grand?  really?  why are culinary contest shows, always so cheap with the prizes?  I mean, they really work to get the prize, and it' reflects that the food industry is the lowest paid industry in the free world.  There are people on that Howie Mandel contest show--deal or no deal--just doing nothing but  hopping around indecisively guessing for a million or more dollars --

Frenchie just won the show--even if he did fuck up his dessert with poision seeds, his breakfast sliders, and fish entree were the best.