Weight Matters

I have had weight issues since I turned 18. Prior to turning 18, I was always slender and in shape. I was a size 2/4 when I started high school and a size 6 when I graduated. I was tiny.

When I turned 18, I was out on my own preparing my own meals for the first time in my life. Needless to say, I didn't make good choices. It was often easier to swing through a drive-thru than cook for myself. So, the weight started piling on. 

By the time I turned 19, I had gained around 50 pounds. I swore to myself that I would never let myself be that big ever again. I was dirt poor, so I couldn't afford to join a gym. But, I lived near a high school, so I used to walk around their football field after work every day. I lost most of the weight. That marked my first major milestone with losing weight. Unfortunately, it was not the last.

Life's stresses got in the way and my weight started creeping back up. From the age of 19, I've been on a weight roller coaster. Sometimes, I'm up and sometimes, I'm down. 

Last year, at 34, I decided enough was enough. I started an incredible nutrition program that helped me lose a lot of weight. I was around 100 pounds overweight at the time, but the weight started just falling off. I had never felt better. I was sleeping better, my mood improved, my skin looked incredible. I, seriously, felt the best I've ever felt in my entire life.

So, I decided to amp up my game. I hired a personal trainer and started working out with him twice a week. I started seeing my body become toned and it was amazing. I felt so good about myself. All total, I lost 50 pounds in about six months. I was incredibly motivated and felt a switch for the first time in my life. I didn't want to cheat on my nutrition plan. I looked forward to working out. I was excited about the changes I was seeing in my body. 

Unfortunately, I injured myself during one of my workouts. I tore my ACL and meniscus. Ouch! Talk about a painful experience. For the past three months, I haven't been able to workout. I've been off-and-on wearing a full leg brace and using crutches. It's hard enough to walk, let alone workout. 

Two weeks ago, I had surgery after enduring three months of physical therapy to prepare my knee for it. While I'm now in the recovery phase, I still can't workout. My knee is so fragile right now, so the best thing for me to do is continue with my physical therapy to make it stronger. 

You know what's crazy? I was never the type to love working out. Ever. But, I did actually look forward to it when I had a trainer. And, now... I am dying to workout again. Being told that I can't do something just makes me want to do it more. I cannot wait until my doctor tells me I can workout again.

In the past three months, I've gained 25 pounds back. I am trying to cut myself some slack because of my injury. But, the reality is that I allowed myself to throw away the nutrition plan that was working so well for me because I decided that I would be back on track with everything after my surgery. The pounds slowly started creeping back on.

As of today, I'm 75 pounds from my goal weight. I don't aim to be a size 6 again because I've gotten very curvy as I've gotten older. And, you know what? I like my curves. But, I want to be healthy, curvy and maybe a size 8 or 10 when I reach my goal weight. Mostly, I just want to be healthy.

My doctor told me that I'm more suspectible to getting arthritis in my knees now because of my injury. (I have three screws in my knee holding a new ACL that they constructed from taking a piece of my hamstring.) He said that the best thing I can do for myself for my future life is to lose weight to take some pressure off of my knees (besides all of the other health benefits you gain from being at a healthy weight).

You know what I've realized recently? No matter how much we deceive ourselves into thinking it doesn't, weight does matter. It matters to you. It matters for your long-term health. It matters so that you can live the best, longest life possible.

I used to say that it shouldn't matter in relationships, but it does. I've always said that I want someone to love me for me and not what size I am. I still believe that deep down, but you know what I've realized? I'm not putting my best foot forward by being 75 pounds overweight. I'm not the best me. I'm not projecting the same air of self confidence I do when I feel better about myself. 

I'm tired of having fat days. I'm tired of cancelling plans because I feel fat and I'd rather stay home to drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream. I'm tired of not being the best me.

So, enough already. I need to find that same enthusiasm I had earlier this year. I need to get my motivation back. I need to lose these 75 pounds once and for all.

In reality, I want to live the longest life possible. There is so much I want to experience in my life. I don't want to cut my life short because I chose the short-term satisfaction of eating badly over my long-term health. Nope. Not gonna do it anymore.

So, here's to a recommitment to losing weight. Being the best me possible. Attracting someone who wants me because of how I carry myself. Because I love myself enough to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. 

I plan to live my best life possible. And, there's no better time to start than right now.