How Old is Too Old?

I saw my dad on Facebook tonight.

For most people, I suppose this wouldn't be a big deal. Even welcomed. But for me, it kind of is.

See, I haven't talked with my dad since I was 18. And, I will be 34 in April. That's a long damn time. Practically half my life.

I added a new family member today and there he was... A friend of my cousin's husband. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We are family. Well, technically.

It just gives me the heebie jeebies.

I can't believe how gray his hair is now. He looks a lot older than he did 16 years ago. It's scary how much I look like his side of the family, and well... him.

His profile is public and I couldn't resist looking at his wall posts. Some of his conversations shocked me. He talks about his kids, although no mention of me. Not surprising.

He talks about how he's been raising kids since he was 21 and he still is. He's helping my sister out financially with her four kids. I guess he considers that "raising" them. Kind of like he did with his own kids - threw money their way and did all the fun weekend stuff with us once a month while my mom did the heavy, single-mom lifting. (And, I'm no fan of my mother, but she does deserve credit for this.)

What utterly shocked me is how he was openly talking about how he is dating "kids" now. His words, not mine. 20-somethings as he calls them. I knew about one girlfriend who was 25, but my sister told me that they had broken up. It punched me in the gut to read that he's now actively dating 20-somethings.

His own kids are soon-to-be 36, 34 and 31. He is dating girls much younger than his own kids. He will be 57 this year.

If he hadn't molested me when I was 5, I might chalk his behavior up to an older, single man wanting to have fun. But, the fact that this happened to me (and who knows who else) makes me want to puke.

I guess he wears it as a badge of honor that the "cool guy" in high school (his label, not mine) is still dating girls that are not much older than high school age. He always acted like he was god's gift to women when I was a kid and we heard countless stories about the "good ole days" before he had kids and he was Mr. Man. 

Mr. Everybody-Wants-Me. He seriously used to compare himself to Elvis when I was a kid. Trust me, there is no comparison.

I have a lot of friends in relationships with older men or vice versa. But, a man close to 60 dating a 21 or 22 year-old? I'm sorry... but that's just wrong. At least, it's wrong when it's my dad. It's wrong considering what he did to me.

So, how old is too old? Or in his case, how young is too young?

I'm deciding right this moment that I'm not going to let this bother me. It's a new year - hell, it's a new decade - with a new list of goals, hopes, opportunities to fulfill. A fresh start. I will not let my family bring me down. What happened in the past will stay in the past.

But, I think I'm going to block him on facebook. That way, I'm not tempted to look at his sick updates. And, so he can't see as much as my picture online.

Since I haven't existed to him for 16 years, I'm sure he won't miss anything.