You Should Be Writing...But there's that whole perfectionist thing!

So, I HAVE opened my computer since my last "You Should Be Writing" Blog and I have actually written a few things. I even wrote two essays on one topic, determined to submit them to the powers that be. But instead of hitting the send button, I read, reread and fretted then promptly slammed my laptop shut and walked away. This brings me to what has long since been a problem for me. I tend to be a perfectionist (okay,  no tending, just am) in practically everything I do. And like most perfectionists, I get frustrated with my inability to be perfect. Can we all say Therapy Needed now? Yes, well, I've traveled that path as well.

Sure, I completely understand that we can't all be perfect. But, somewhere between my heart knowing that and my mind understanding that, well, things get a little distorted. Which brings me back to why I haven't written in years anyway. It's that same feeling of things just not being good enough, so why bother? I look at what I've written, read it over and over and know in my heart that it's just not good enough. Good enough for who you ask? Well, for starters, not good enough for me.

I know I am and will always be my own worst critic, but THIS time, I did something to shake my own self up a bit. I did something I never would have done before the past few months. I wrote something else, read and proofed, got angry at at it, slammed my laptop shut (my poor laptop may not survive my new efforts), but I went back to it. I agonized over making it better, and then realized that the story I was telling was exactly how it needed to be and there was nothing I could do to it to make it "better." So guess what!? I hit the send button to enter my first writing contest. But, that's not what I'm most proud of. What I'm happiest with is the fact that I knew it wasn't perfect, and knew it probably wouldn't win. It wasn't the best thing I'd ever written, nor was it the worst, but I sent it anyway.

I realize that I must face rejection. That's something I never would have done before. I would simply not do something if I didn't think it could be perfect. In doing so, I never allowed myself the opportunity to learn from failure. So perfection be damned, it's all about results now, not excuses!