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viewsYoga With My Daughter
By Macdaddy Mel, Monday, March 15, 2010, 4 commentsI always tell everyone that y daughter and I really are related, I even have the c-section scar to prove it. But on the outside (and a lot of the inside as well) we are so incredibly different. She looks like exactly like my husband, is shaped like my mother-in-law, acts like someone whom I've never met, argues like no litigation attorney I have ever heard of, and generally speaking, marches to a drum that I assume only other 8 years olds like her can hear.
It’s been difficult cultivating a relationship with a little person with whom you have so little in common. I relish comfortable silence while she thinks every ounce of air in a room needs to be filled with words from her little mouth. Stephen Covey says that you have to love people the way they need to be loved and I couldn’t agree more. That is what makes my relationship with my daughter so draining at times. Unconditional love is a bitch!
I love her and have loved her with every ounce of my being since the day I found out I was pregnant with her. But if you asked her if how much I love her, I’m not sure what her answer would be. I often fail at trying to get through to her because I think she’s just as lost trying to figure me out as I am with her. She connects with my husband’s family so easily, yet struggles relating to my family just as she and I struggle.
Through the years of trying to stay connected, one single thing has kept us talking if nothing else. Our love of books. She has taken on my love for reading them, collecting them and treasuring them. I must say, that is one of my proudest accomplishments as her parent. If I can get her to stop talking long enough, she and I could sit side by side for hours and just read together. Those are the times when I feel closer to her than ever.
This weekend, I was doing yoga and she wanted to join me. At first I rolled my eyes, thinking well, there goes my peace and quiet, AGAIN! But she picked up where I was and did everything I was doing in unbelievable silence (for her anyway). I was literally astonished, because really, the kid starting talking at one year and has not stopped since! She went through the motions with me, commenting very rarely. She seemed to really enjoy the peace and tranquility of the silence and relaxation. And of course so did I!
We talked a little afterwards about how difficult some of the positions are but how good yoga is for your body. A few minutes later, my mother-in-law called and my daughter proudly told her all about doing yoga with Mommy. I couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, she and I had found another avenue to connect. She told me she wanted to do it more with me and I told her we’d give it a shot.
My relationship with her will always be a trial, I understand that. But I’ll keep working at it, because I love her with all of my heart, and despite how much she doesn’t understand me, I know that she loves me just as much.
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4 Comments
:)
I think you are bold to talk about this hear. So other parents can realizes they are not alone in sometimes difficult relationship with their child. I have a friend who has two daughters the first sounds a bit like you and your 8 year old. They can not connect while the younger one they are like two peas in a pod for lack of a better description. I think its great that you continue to try so hard. And you never know Yoga might be something that will help you connect, it is pretty powerful stuff :). Namaste.
Great blog
My mom and I are complete opposites ... and she is my bestfriend. Do not be surprised if this 8 year that you don't understand ...is your best friend when she is a woman.. Trust me - this is coming from someone who knows your daughter's POV. :-)
Difficult at first
My mother and I had a hard time from the time I was born until I was about 13. We fought like cats and dogs and we had none of the same interests. She was a girly girl and I was a tom-boy she was tall and thin and I was curvy. We didn't look alike and we didn't act alike. Now at almost 32 we have become the best of friends. It took a long time to get to where we are today. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I was more then difficult to get along with as a child, at least for my mom and most women, now guys that is a different story. We finally learned how to talk and even though we still have different interests, we have some in common as well. We learned how to enjoy our differences rather then fight about them. It was a learning curve that both of us had to experience. I know you and your daughter will find a way to come together. I imagine the Yoga is just the start.
Liked it!
Thanks for the honest perspective on the all-too-often-difficult relationships we have with our children. Sometimes, they are so foreign. Glad to here someone else has experienced motherhood similar to me! My son is almost 18, and finally, finally he seems to like to talk to/ with us more.
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