Is Polygamy The Answer?

Here I am stuck in bed, all alone with nothing to keep me company but the pile of tissues that have taken on mountain form around me. I have a sinus infection that is kicking my ass. So, here I have been for the last day and a half drugged up and watching the last season of Big Love.

If you haven't watched this hit show I will fill you in..... it is a drama on HBO about a fictitious fundamentalist Mormon family in Utah which practices polygamy; currently starring Bill Paxton, Chloe Sevigny, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Ginnifer Goodwin. At first I was drawn to the unknown world of multiple marriage and the way that such a rule breaker like HBO would portray it, but after one episode I was hooked more on the character dynamics than anything.

A strong capable normal man named Bill grew up on a traditional commune (with the long dresses and braids and documentary style place) then was kicked out and forced to make a life for himself and his first wife Barb. As in love as they were Barb got cancer and they both began to reconsider their marriage and the fundamentals of their faith. It was in this that they began to look differently at Nikki, Bill's childhood friend from the commune that came to nurse Barb. Knowing that she may not make it and even if she did would be unable to have more children, Barb and Bill married Nikki as well. Later Bill also married and spunky younger woman named Margene. All three women extremely different, together they take on the responsibility of raising a family and making a marriage of four work.

After seeing them as real people in another type of non-traditional family,  I found myself questioning my whole opinion on the entire lifestyle. Maybe I am too far drawn into the magic of television and life could never be scripted as well, but there is definitely something to be said for the ability to share your love between so many people. I think in our society we have became so selfish and conditional with how we love one another. Then here I watch these three wives share their husband, their houses, and their love among themselves and the whole family. Sex is divided, chores are divided, and each person contributes as they can.

My husband has tried his best to tend to me while I have been sick, but like most men he has to ask. What do you need now honey? How can I help? And as sweet as he is, my mind wanders back to my mother and other females, knowing how naturally it comes. Check the temperature. Supply liquids. Try to eat. Get medicine. It's like a check list that we were born with and here he sits so unaware of the next step.

If this were Big Love, I would have a wife too, here fluffing my pillow and making some soup. And weirdly enough, I see the perks. I can't condemn or confirm a lifestyle I have only seen on TV. And I know that my redheaded temper would never stand kissing my husband goodnight for him to sleep in another woman's room or give her children, but in their argument that makes me selfish instead of right.

And there are days where going to the grocery store feels like being marched to a firing line and I think of how lovely three more of me would be. Or when you feel like all your anger in the world is placed on your partner because it's just the two of you, would a third person even out the weight? And let's not forget the sex issues that some couples face. I am still a newly wed and not there yet, but you know the stereotype- a man's never ending thirst vs. a woman's need to not give in if shes not in the mood. It would up the odds of his success and maybe make her long for him more.

I am not saying that we are buying a ticket to Utah or shopping the personals. In honesty I doubt he even knows the thoughts this show has provoked. But isn't it crazy how you think you believe so solemnly on a subject and then can change your whole opinion based on the light that it is shown in? 

It makes me wonder if I am becoming a sheep or that Hollywood is just a bigger wolf. Or maybe we still, after all the success and movements toward acceptance, are judging the unknown as wrong because it's different.