I am blowing up Mars!!!!

It sounds to me like he must be pulling your leg.. I mean come on, what man makes plans so many months in advance??  Maybe he lived in a different trash pile than my husband did during their stints on mars, but mine can't plan anything even a week in advance.  Usually he's calling people up the night of, as in "hey it's angel's birthday today, I know its 8:30 p.m., but you want to come party with us?"

And if he isn't, I know where i'd be putting that drumstick!

Hahaha, that made me feel better Angel! But no, he is not joking.

Despite all of the above mentioned issues, he is smart enough to know that if he waited till the day before to spring this on me- I would take a gun and hunt him, ha!

I think I would just sit down with him tell him how important the holiday is to you and that you would like him to be there...I would also through in the bit about him not being single any more and that plans are made by consulting each other before commiting to anything. My hubby and learned that the hard way too, we just happened to do it before we got married, too many people to visit and not enough time. We split our holidays between our families. One gets Thanksgiving and the other gets Christmas, then the next year we switch.

Just curious, did you spend holidays together before you got married?

Great post!  I really enjoyed reading this:-)  My husband tried this kind of, "I'm going to take my one-man motorbike for a 2 week road trip without you" once before we were married.  I threatened to break up with him if he continued to make (big) plans that didn't include me or at least bare minimum include "checking in considerately" with me.  And, I also reminded him that "he was no longer single," and that in any kind of "partnership," that partnership meant working as a team and being considerate of each other.  That was something that took a lot of getting used to for him.  Neither one of us wanted to be married to someone we had to "ask permission" from to do things giving somebody else power over our lives.  It was that fine line, that delicate balance of checking in with someone as opposed to asking permission that took some getting used to for both of us.  Especially since we're both very independent people and we both like making plans separate from each other sometimes. 

But now, we're both ok.  Now, we both say things like, "I'm planning on doing X,Y or Z.  Is that ok with you?"  Almost always it is.  But, the times when it's not ok with one of us, we both respect each others' wishes and feelings. 

I don't know if this helps or not.  Different things work for different couples. I just wanted to let you know that I understand this argument and what you're going through right now.  Best wishes with all of this.  And thanks for sharing this with us:-)

--Kimberly

Laura- That's exactly how we planned it as well in the beginning, switching holidays out and back between families. And yes we did do family things together before marriage. I think you are right though, we need a bigger conversation than we had.

kvargas- The odd thing is that I am the more independant of the two and I am the one with the issue. And I agree about the permission vs. checking in. I dont want him to have to ask me to do things, it was just hurtful that he was calling me as an after thought and was so eager to miss our holiday.

That's the thing about me too, I always find it easier to be angry than sad, so when my feelings are hurt I lash out a bit..... or a lot :(

This could be a page out of my marriage. Right down to the "unit" speech. Which my husband can tell you I've used quite a bit. I'm a newlywed in my first year too.

Thanksgiving is a HUGE issue for us b/c his family likes to eat at a restaurant every year and the thing I LOVE about T-day is all the family togetherness and homecooked food. Believe me, Mars's planet motto must be "What's the big deal?!" as every married couple I know goes through this.

EXACTLY!! He has no idea why I would be mad! It is no big deal to him.

He's good though in the way that he eventually comes around and understands, so I am going to try and put down my missals for now.

Lynzie- I LOVE your Mars description, how perfect is that? Having survived 26 years of marriage to this man, and because I get the advantage of reading this in print, instead of being blind-sided like you.. this is what I think.

1. In the south, you know we say it "sweetly" (BARF!) ... I'd say, " honey, have a great time, but I won't be here when you get back." And I'd book a whole day at the spa... it would probably cost just as much as the hunting trip.

2. In his defense, which he apparently needs because he is mindless... that first year was really HARD. You just don't know the rules sometimes, and maybe holidays fall under some kind of grey area for guy's comprehension... Anyway, number one was a very hard year, as was about 14-15. 30  could be a doozy too, if he retires, but I'll worry about that later.

Thanks Susan! I am so glad you tell it like it is, I think more women who have been through this shiz already should be as blunt as possible. DO you know that I didn't even know breast feeding was painful until I was 18! 18!!!! Everyone tried to make it seem like this beautiful experience- and left the guts out of the information. For some reason, especially in the south, we do add sugar to everything and kick out the sour. I personally like to hear REAL stories about REAL life, it actually makes it a little less scary.

P.S. Congrats on your 20+ yrs of marriage, he must still be doing some things right ;)