A Purposeful Mother

(Names of the real people involved have been changed. GC is my granddaughter or golden child.)

When my stepson asked us if she could join us for our annual beach trip, I could not remember what she looked like. My husband and I had been introduced and reintroduced to her for a few years. The scenario went something like this...

"Dad, Bev, you remember Ava right?" said my stepson.

We would always look at each other and smile and nod our heads in unison, "Yeah, sure, how are you?"

These were the only exchanges that we ever had with her for 5 years. I could have been in line behind her at the grocery store and I would not have known her. I am embarrassed by that fact today. Today she is one of the most beloved people in my life. In fact, today, I can not imagine my life without her in it. I'm glad that I waited until after Mother's day for this tribute because maybe more of you will read it. Ava is more than just a phenomenal mom; she is an incredible human being!

In October 2001 about 6 weeks after 9/11, our family experienced our own tragic event. I was trying to jump start my newfound career in real estate. I signed up to set up a table at my county's "promote local business" expo. I went to my suv to get balloons and a helium tank from my trunk. My phone rang and I was surprised that it was another Realtor, a friend of the family. She asked me if I had spoken to my daughter-in-law that day. I told her no. She proceeded to tell me she had received a call from the people who had recently purchased my stepson's old house. I immediately thought that it was strange and started to feel that weird tingling in my spine that I get when I know something isn't right.

"They said the sheriff's office came to their house last night looking for Alex," Said the Realtor.

"Well, they told the sheriff that he didn't live there anymore, right?" I asked.

"It's so weird, why would they be looking for Alex?" I said.

"I don't know; but, I tried to call Nicole (my daughter-in-law) and she didn't answer, so I just thought I'd call you."

I thanked her and I hastily looked for my daughter-in-law's mom's number. I called her and asked if she was there. Her mother said no and then I started to panic. I asked if GC (my granddaughter) was there with her. She said yes and I felt an immediate surge of relief throughout my entire body.

I told her about the strange phone call. Her mother didn't know where Nicole was and hadn't heard from her since the night before. We both knew that Alex was out of town on business. I suggested that she call the sheriff's office to see if she could get any information.

It was the longest ten minutes of my life. My cell phone rang and Nicole's mother was on the other end of the line. She said three words that changed our lives forever.

"Nicole (my daughter-in-law) is dead."

It was this real surreal moment, I wasn't sure that I had heard her correctly. I wanted to take the phone and just shake it, beat it or throw it on the ground until it pulverized.

The last few months had been kinda rocky for Alex and Nicole. They had both been unfaithful in their relationship and Nicole had started drinking again. They had decided to end their marriage and were working out the terms of a divorce. I had taken on the role of helping provide some childcare for the GC (their four year-0ld blonde headed bundle of energy). I cared for her two days a week after preschool and her grandmother kept her the other three days. Nicole wasn't in good enough shape to care for her alone. Her downslide was one of the most heartbreaking things that I have ever seen.

It was a drunk driving accident that took her life; but, she wasn't the one driving. Her date was. He was a nineteen year-old who lied and told the police that she was driving, even when faced with the horror of what had occurred. Her shoes were in floor on the passenger side and she lost her life as a result of flying through the windshield. The police said she wasn't wearing a seat belt. Her date walked away with his arm in a sling and his hand on the speed dial to his rich parents that lived in Buckhead. As far as I know, he never was honest about what happened and of course, he never paid any price for what he did. Money talks!

After a gut-wrenching funeral, we all just became numb for awhile. Alex was able to get a reprieve from his travelling so that he could be with his little girl. I continued to help out with her on my two days. These were precious days with a beautiful little angel that I will never forget! Before we knew it a year and a half had gone by. My husband and I decided to see if Alex would like to come with us to Hilton Head, SC during GC's spring break from preschool. He immediately accepted as Hilton Head had turned into our family's special getaway place.

We were surprised when he asked if his brother could come. (Believe me the brother is a whole other blog!) And then he mentioned Ava. I was intrigued. I could hear a small amount of enthusiasm in his voice. It really pleased me that he could be healing.

"You remember Ava, she used to be our roommate," he said.

"Yeah, sure," we both said our lying heads bobbing up and down like bobble-head dolls.

We made the mistake of going to Hilton Head during the first week of April that year and it rained like cats and dogs. However, when Ava arrived with Alex from the airport in Savannah she was like a breath of fresh tropical air. She was working as a flight attendant at that time and was able get a few days off and a free flight to come spend with Alex and GC and their family.

I immediately loved her honesty and her directness! I observed that she had a fierce love for the Golden Child and that GC loved her as well. I was almost jealous! Alex was smiling and cracking jokes and seemed very happy spending time with Ava. She was gracious to us and was genuinely grateful to be included in our trip. That week sealed the deal for me and I started fantasizing about Alex, Ava and the GC becoming their own little family.

It's been six years now and Alex finally proposed to Ava on Christmas Eve. I've been calling her my daughter-in-law for years now anyway and can't wait for them to be married!

My most vivid memory of Ava though, will always be a phone call that we had one spring day a few years ago when her relationship with Alex was going through a rough patch. Here is what she said to me and why I will always love her-

"My purpose in life is to raise my best friend's daughter and I am in this for the long run. I won't let her down."