Fairweather Friends

The whole situation is probably my fault to begin with. I am so desperate to keep my friends that I work way too hard at not being any bother or trouble. Its way too easy for me to say, "Oh that's okay; I know you're busy… etc." I don't want them to think that I'm needy and thus run like hell. As a result, I've finally decided that I don't ask enough of them.

If you've read any of my other stuff, you know this comes from my deep-seated feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Guess what, I'm finally coming out of this a little because I'm officially pissed!! Royally, officially, pissed off!!!

I'm not mad at all of them just a few and I'm gonna write about it because I think it will make me feel better. So there, nyah, nyah!!!

Now that I have my five year old temper tantrum out of the way I will explain.

I spoke with one of them about two weeks ago. I was scared about my surgery and I was feeling pretty blue (see my post Dark Passenger if you want any clarification). This friend says that she has depression as well. She also says that she is working very hard to be authentic and truly herself with everyone.

All I have to say about the statement above is this. If someone says they are trying to be authentic and truly themselves believe it; but, they do not mean that they want YOU to be YOURSELF as well. The minute I opened up and started "being authentic" I could feel her closing up.

Sometimes you can know someone for years and not really "know" them. I decided that was the case by the time the conversation came to an end. Oh and later that day I was "friended" by her on Facebook. I am now officially just a Facebook friend and not a real friend anymore. Guess what I've decided that I can live with that!

The other friend that I'm pissed at had agreed to do dinner two weeks ago. I decided to wait it out and see if she really wanted to see me or was just being polite. My last message from her was a "Happy Easter" text. I'm cutting her a little more slack because I haven't seen her in person since my surgery was scheduled and I didn't want to "text" her about something so personal. Maybe sometime soon she can work me in to her busy schedule and I will get another golden text promising dinner.

To conclude and not be all "negative Nelly". I must say I do have some true friends. One of them is getaclewis who has been dealing with allot of very serious family issues lately. She asked about my surgery last week when I spoke to her. She will call me and check on me either before and/or after because she is an authentic friend. Sure we have had some gaps here and there of a few years in our friendship; but, I have known her now for thirty years and five minutes on the phone or in person with her and I feel like we never parted. Now that is a friendship I can count on.