Adieu, 2011

       Merry Christmas, all!  Christmas is a beautiful holiday of family and presents, yet it is also a reflective day to take a look at where you are in life, the good, the bad, and the in between.  Carrie from Sex and the City said, "Your twenties are for having fun.  Your thirties are for learning the lessons.  Your forties are for buying the drinks."  Since 2011 was the first full year of my thirties, I should have anticipated that it would be the biggest learning year of my life, with the exception of 2003, which was my first full year out of college, the year I finished most of my graduate school work, and the year I got my feet wet in the professional world.  2010 was fun for me, and I am glad it was, since it was my last year in my twenties and the year I turned 30.  But, 2011 was definitely the year of lessons for me.  I learned that love really isn't blind, that women really are judged by their appearance, and that unlike in Love Actually, having a cute face but slightly chubby thighs does not always get you the prime minister with the cute British accent.  I re-learned that kindness is sometimes mistaken for weakness and that it is not always repaid, even when you bend over backwards to make someone feel welcomed and at home.  I learned that life is not like Back to the Future, where you can jump in a flying automobile, correct all of your mistakes, and take back every harsh word that you said.  I learned that sometimes, when you wish upon a star, your dreams still do not come true. 

       Yes, these lessons so far make me sound like Ebenezer Scrooge's female counterpart.  I learned my share of positive lessons this year too.  I learned that true friends will stand behind me and deserve me at my best because they are there for me when I am the worst version of myself.  I learned that smiling because it happened is better than crying because it's over.  I learned that there is such a thing as a fresh start and a clean slate.  I learned that Jamiroquai spoke the truth in his song "Canned Heat," and that dance really is a cure, or at least a diversion, from so many of life's problems and inconveniences.  I re-learned the truth that Marcus Zusak teaches in The Book Thief, that words can hurt very badly when they are used the wrong way or when people don't think before they talk, but they can also be very beautiful works of art, and a salvation from pain and oppression.   I learned, as Veena reminded us when my cousins Cindy and Kris got married, that "friends will come and go, but it starts and ends with family."  I learned that it is hard to find friends that are like family and family members who are also friends, but I am lucky enough to have both.  I learned that beauty is subjective, but health is important throughout a person's life, and in an overly image based society, it is still more important to focus on health.  

      This year, I once again taught A Christmas Carol to my gifted sixth grade students.  As much as I love the story, my heart wasn't in it as much this year.  I know that it was partly because I had a nasty sinus infection the last week of school that I didn't even know was a sinus infection until I went to the doctor the late afternoon of the last day of school.  Joke's on me, right?  But maybe it's because I sometimes am no longer sure I believe in the story's message, that love and relationships are more important than career success.  People let you down sometimes, but career success is something you can hold onto for yourself.  At one time in my life, the choice between getting a book published and getting married would have been clear cut for me, but now, if someone held a knife to my head and forced me to choose between the two, I would have a very hard time knowing which one to pick.  But there is something inside of me that has hope, that maybe I really can have both.  I can pursue my dreams of publishing my writing, continuing to impact students regardless of age, and having a career, and hopefully, one day, finding someone who speaks my language, both the spoken and the unspoken.  Soul mates can come in many forms, I know, including friends and close family members. Naomi learns that in Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List (Levithan and Cohn), when she realizes she can't have her gay best friend as her boyfriend, yet he still is her best friend.  I, like Carrie Bradshaw, have become more hardened and cynical with age and wisdom, yet deep down, I still believe that the Big Love is out there for me.