tips for men: online dating dont's

Lynn... we've never met, although we're facebook friends.  I read your blog with interest because I started online dating in 2003.  For the most part, I enjoyed it.  There were some ups and downs of course, but I thought I'd share with you some of the advice I've given my female friends who've considered using online services to find eligible men to date.

Don't Get Hung Up on Numbers
I connected with 1,500 women over the course of several years on eHarmony.  I had 30 first dates.  I had 5 relationships that lasted at least a month.  And now I'm married to a woman I met online more than three years ago.  I was the first person she went out with after she started eHarmony.  Everyone has a different story, a different path.

Honesty
Be honest, and demand honesty back.  If a man is going to lie to you now, you know he's going to lie to you in the future.  Who are you going to trust, the man who has all the right answers, or the man who tells you even the difficult truths.  Don't lie to men you meet online; unwinding that can be a nightmare.  And, make sure you're very honest with yourself about who you want to meet and the criteria you set for that man.  You probably already know that most men are pigs, but some are princes, even if you can't see it clearly.

Test Taking
This is a follow up to the Honesty comment above.  If you're taking some sort of personality test, make completely sure you answer the questions honestly, and don't select the answer you wish represented you.  If these systems work, and that's up in the air as far as I'm concerned, they're only going to work well if you don't misrepresent yourself and wind up with someone who's totally the wrong type.

No Games
Online dating allows you to dump a lot of the foolishness that can go along with dating.  If a guy gives you the runaround, dump him.  Play fair, and don't mess with his emotions if you're really not going to get serious with him.

Have Fun
Online dating and first dates don't have to be a nerve-wracking chore.  For a first date, insist on something casual and very public.  Don't set expectations too high.  Either of you should be able to walk away cleanly at this point with no regrets.  Don't give out any specific personal information, like your phone number or address at this point.  I always had a friend call me a half-hour after I was to meet a first date, so if I really wasn't comfortable, I could have an out.

If the first few minutes aren't too uncomfortable, take the time to get to know the man you're meeting.  Take it slow, see how it goes, and check-in with how you're feeling as the date progresses.  If you know there's no spark by the end of the date, be honest and tell the guy.

Your comment is genuine and I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience.  Congratulations on finding your bride.

The truth is I actually would want a man to write the comments I lambast in my post -- if that's what he is thinking -- because then it makes it much easier to separate the good ones from the goons.

Being someone who rarely can play it serious ... this is my favorite part of your post... "You probably already know that most men are pigs, but some are princes, even if you can't see it clearly."

I have my first in-person connection tomorrow.  I'll be sure to have my eye drops handy.

Thanks again for reading and responding.

Dying laughing. A family member of mine who shall remain nameless is an online dating lady. She's done quite well. Had to sort through some frogs, but found some good ones. Love this post.

Kittyboy - This is perfect.  I've gotta say - you pegged each type.

The ones that send you a message that's literally: "Hi" just kill me. And then if you actually respond, they disappear into thin air, because, as it turns out, a dialogue is just way too much work.

And the ones who dog on other women - oh my god.

How about the ones whose photos depict them with their arms around attractive women? Why, why make that part of your personal ad??

And the ones where they're with a group of people drinking and inexplicably flashing gang symbols for the camera?

Thank you for a delightfully funny post!

~~This was great! 

I agree, Any man that will call a woman "Fat or Ugly" is out on his ass=DELETE big time.

You picture is lovely...  I love it. 

Sarita -- you are so right about the photos!  I guess the group pics with attractive women around them is supposed to say "Look at me, I'm desirable."  But then you have to ask... then why aren't you dating those women?

And krrobi -- thanks for the comment.  Yes, it's disheartening that so many guys are superficial -- especially when there's nothing super about their own ficial -- if you know what I mean  ;-)