The Voice of Desire

Desire. I spent the better part of my adult life avoiding that word and all of its messy possibilities. I much preferred the sanctuary of self-sacrifice believing life was about making the "right" choices whether or not those choices brought a sense of fulfillment. And, though I secretly envied people who knew what they wanted and recklessly went after it, I was quite content with my chosen life. Desire, however, is an alluring mistress both subtle and relentless in her call. Once I decided to give myself over to her the very terrain of my life - both internally and externally - changed dramatically.

French author Antoine de Saint-Exupery once wrote "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eyes."  If we quiet our mind and drop into our heart we will begin to see that which is invisible to the eyes. We will discover a pathway to freedom and joy and personal truth. Often we fear that place for it is unpredictable and wild. I never wanted to ask myself questions like "what do I really want?" because I was convinced, whatever it was, I couldn't have it. I once related this belief to a trusted friend who encouraged me to simply be open to the possibility because perhaps, just maybe, that life was available to me. Ever so slowly I began to listen to the voice of desire. I purposed to stop medicating myself with things like shopping and cleaning and instead opted for quiet periods of reflection. Longings began to emerge from deep, previously unknown places within me and I made a commitment to myself in those moments to begin living from a place of truth by honoring what I was feeling. I had no idea how to get to get to where I wanted to be but at least I could see it.

I frequently hike in the Olympic Mountains and recently, while making my way up the Copper Creek Trail, I could see the summit but the trail had become overgrown and obscure.  I saw my friend up ahead of me but not the path she had taken to get there. Being one who has spent an inordinate amount of my life trying to walk on a path others have created I stopped and tried to find the "right" way to the top. And then I heard it, the soft-spoken voice resonating from my heart, encouraging me to create my own path. I realized in a very profound way that though the trail was invisible to my eyes I simply needed to trust that if I moved in the direction of where I wanted to be I would get there.

Desire, no longer the alluring mistress, has become both my compass and my enjoyable companion. And you know what? I have never felt as vibrantly alive as I do now. For the first time I am journeying through life from a place that feels authentic and true to who I am. The landscape of my life has changed dramatically in the process and the transformation hasn't been painless for those who are close to me, but it has been good. It would be easy to regret that it took me 50 years to begin living my truth but instead I find myself effortlessly glorying in the present. And that is where I will stay, in the present, engaged with my heart, following the voice of desire. Care to join me?