Momentary Pleasure

My youngest son, Spencer, lives life one moment at a time. Shortly after I told my children that their father and I were divorcing, I mentioned to my therapist that I was especially worried about Spencer because he seemed to be handling things very well. She responded that I shouldn't worry because, for him, every morning is like a whole new world! Though she had never met him, she knew the essence of him. Amazing. And that's what it's like for Spence, every day is new and filled with possibility. He pretty much embodies the idea of living in the present and it's a beautiful thing to watch.

Of all my kids he seems to be the one who engages with life the most. Whether telling a joke ("Hey mom? This guy walks into a Psychiatrist's office wearing only plastic wrap for pants and the Psychiatrist says to him 'well, sir, I can clearly see your nuts!'") or weeping over something tragic, Spencer lives moment by moment, breathing all of life into his being. As I was thinking about his outlook on life the other day I reminded myself again to practice presence even in moments of pleasure. This may sound a little strange, but we often miss out on the fullness of a happy moment because we try to hold it too tightly. We think that if we squeeze firmly around the pleasure then, perhaps, we can make it stay with us forever. It feels like the most difficult thing to reign our minds in and stay in the right here and right now. Thoughts like "I wish this moment would last forever" float through our minds. And if we aren't grasping at the moment then, more than likely, we are rushing ahead in our minds wondering when our happiness is going to end...when, as they say, is the other shoe going to drop?

I'm purposing to hold pleasure and happy moments in an open hand. I'm learning to drink in all that is good without wondering when it is going to slip away. Honestly, I've been more than a little surprised at how much more I'm enjoying life when I am able to do this. I've found it especially rewarding when the "happy moment" is one involving an interaction with someone else. I used to be one that wanted to create a box around whatever good thing was happening so that it would always be with me. And, in doing this, I usually missed the purity of the moment and later when the moment had passed I would be deeply sad. Sometimes my sadness would be so great that it would inhibit me from being vulnerable or intimate because I wanted to spare myself the pain of how I felt when the pleasure was gone. It's crazy but it's true.

If I've learned anything from Spencer it is to LIVE life; to actively connect to all that is going on around me. To embrace beauty when she comes my way and then gently let go; to enjoy every ounce of momentary pleasure without longing to box it up and store it for a lifetime.