Bah Bah Blacksheep

I wish there was some kind of liquid yoga shot you could take.  I hate shots, have a crazy, irrational, 6-year-old fear of them; but if you could shoot something directly into my vein (and I'm not talking any kind of illegal drug for anybody whose mind wandered that'a way)...just to wash the anxiety out of my system.  My job...essentially since I got it, has been a constant source of stress and soul-searching.  I know I'm lucky to have one--but at the same time, I'm taking it for granted because it's making me miserable and I'm having all kinds of young-person pipe dream thoughts about it.  For instance, I'm wasting my time with it....I only get one shot at this whole living thing, so why am I doing something where I make no money, I give a lot of time, and I'm not happy while I'm there?  Anyway, I'm having one of those nights where almsot everyone above me e-mail-yelled at me to tell me that my tardiness in getting my work in is unacceptable.  Actually, it has never been unacceptable to the point that it didn't make it.   I get it in before the nail-biter countdown.  But I got it in 10 minutes instead of 30 minutes before the big showtime and that doesn't cut it.  I know.  I've heard this before.  I'm sorry.  I can't really do anything about it now...

Another thing.  Tomorrow is already stressing me.  I have people dodging me and an assignment I'll fail as a result.   It's only a snippet of how I'm feeling to say that I dread almost everyday here.  And while I'm very proud of my older, doctor brother, I just found out that he has been hired with a price tag that makes mine look like I am working at Arby's three nights a week for four hour shifts.  My pay is absymal and always has been, but seeing his 200+...it makes me look at myself and think, why did I chose this--and what would make me happy instead?