Rough Waters in Your Relationship? You Don't Need a Life Preserver Before You Jump Ship!!

The world is filled with intelligent, successful, driven, kind, compassionate, women. It’s crazy that so many get stuck in a relationship rut with the wrong man. We’re smart ladies, and I think deep down every woman knows when the guy she’s with is just not the right guy, whether she admits it to anyone or not! The problem is, many stay in “toxic” relationships just to bide time in the “comfort zone”, waiting for Mr. Fantastic to come along and carry them off into wedded bliss. I call this the “Life Preserver” phenomenon. 
 

Look, if you were on a boat, and there wasn’t a life preserver available, but the boat was going down (sinking), you would jump, right? You would try to swim and you’d figure it out. You wouldn’t sit on a sinking boat, and let yourself go under!! The natural response would be to try to save yourself. Yet, you may be like so many other women - your relationship is sinking, but you stay in it with one eye wandering looking for a ‘life preserver’.  Meanwhile you begin to drown in the negativity of the unhealthy relationship. Trust me, I understand! I lived this way once, and finally decided I was worth more. I was strong enough to set standards for behaviors I tolerated from myself and others. I’ve helped many clients do this, and I know you can, too. 
 

Repeat after me, say it out loud: “I don’t need a life preserver before I jump ship!”  

I believe every one of us is complete, perfect, and capable as we are today. Unlike Jerry McGuire’s famous last words, we don’t need someone to make us complete (although it is nice to hear!). What we do need is to feel loved; the right partner complements us, adds something special to our lives, communicates, compromises, keeps us smiling from the inside-out, and we do the same for our partner. I can’t tell you how many clients have said, “I don’t even recognize myself when I’m with him” or “We fight all the time”, or even this one, “I don’t trust him.” If you’re in a relationship that you know isn’t allowing you (or your partner) to be the best version of yourselves possible, here are 4 tips to get you jumping ship: 
 

Love Yourself First 

It sounds cliché, but if you don’t love you, who will love you? The WRONG guy will, that’s who! See, when we are not confident, we just are not our ‘best selves’. You’ve got to be your best friend, and love the woman you are today. When we’re in relationships that are toxic, we tend to blame ourselves, and pick ourselves apart. How crazy is that? Listen, each of us is exactly who we are meant to be. Be proud of every bit of who you are, and then you can nurture yourself well.  
 

The way we see ourselves is the way the world sees us. It just makes sense to think “good thoughts” about yourself. For example, if you walk into a party and think, “My butt looks big in this, no one will talk to me,” then the signal you’re transmitting is that you want to be left alone. Instead, love your curves, love who you are, and think, “I look marvelous, and I will meet many new people tonight!” I guarantee you’ll spend the night chatting away, and feeling great! 
 

Make Space

If your closet is too full to fit another pair of shoes, why shop for more? TRANSLATION: If your life is jam packed and you are always out with the wrong man, you are sending a “TAKEN” signal to the world whether you know it or not. Keeping your options open with eyes wandering while “filling” your dating schedule to avoid being alone, will surely leave you wanting for more!  By making space, and taking a course in YOU, you will not only get to know yourself better, but you will also learn that you are too fabulous to settle for someone who doesn’t meet your needs.
 

Live Every Minute

It’s a fact that our lives can pass us by if we don’t really live them, and waste time with negative nonsense. Embrace life, and live it! There are so many places loaded with culture, activities, hot spots, parks - you name it, you can do it. So, get out there and do the things you love to do! If you love nature, find places to go for walks, get out and commune with nature. If you are a writer, buy a journal, grab a pen, and start writing. You get my drift. We can spend too much time thinking about the things we wish we were doing, instead of just doing them. Be authentic, and live your life with passion.
 

When you are content with yourself and the things you are doing with your time, you’ll emit such wonderful energy. Happy people are the most attractive people to be around. If we spend our days feeling sad, sorry for ourselves, or angry, then we will not be open to meeting confident, interesting people. Every one of us has unique qualities, so focus on those and you will become magnetic.   
 

Learn from the Past, Don’t Wallow in It  

We’ve all had good and bad experiences in love and relationships. Dating is a good way to learn how to love, what we want in a relationship, what we can bring to a relationship. Concentrate on the good aspects of past partners and friends. Remember the qualities that allowed you to truly shine, and lift you up. By rehashing the bad and replaying it in your mind, you’ll just feel tired and drained. You can’t change what happened, but you can learn, grow, and move forward in finding true love. And, in the meantime, you can have a lot of fun being independent, discovering who you are, and what you want!