This is so deep for me I don't even know how to title this blog

I have this card that hangs on my bulletin board. I bought it for myself years ago, and have kept it for the power of the message it contains. For many of these years the message has been a source of inspiration. But now, the message nags on my soul as a daunting weight. It contains a calling that I still, after all these years, haven't figured out how to claim. Let me describe the card and share with you what it says.

It is a card centered around numerology. I was born on February 17. On the front at the top it reads, "Discover the secrets of your day of birth." On the bottom are the words in bold caps "THE WRITER" In the middle there is the number "17" atop a multi-colored figure shaped like a diamond.

Inside it reads:

Born on the seventeenth

Feisty and smart, you distinguish yourself in the world of ideas. The nine to five routine is not for you. Through writing, design, research or teaching you create a world of your own. Your wit and keen eye also make you an exceptional critic or agent.

The secret to your career success

Develop writing skills and contacts in high places. you know how to get things done without getting trapped in bureaucracy. You will be drawn to publishing, high finance, architecture, surgery, flying, and scientific research. Success is assured between the ages of 26 and 53.

Love and friendship

You speak your mind to friends, and down't spend much time on superficial social settings. Best mates are those who match your energy, and are good-natured and not prone to argue. You will marry another original type like yourself.

Your greatest challenges

Your own high standards and self-criticism create inner frustration. Not a game-player, you may have to learn patience and diplomacy.

Symbol

The diamond is the symbol that illustrates the 8's theme of quality, brilliance, strength, and material wealth.

Affirmation for the #17:

I am abundantly rewarded for my creative ideas.

So yeah, there it is. Pretty much me in a nut-shell. There are nuances that don't exactly fit. For example, I don't have any interest in being a surgeon, but I have certainly done my time on the operating table. But on the whole this numerological profile does fit the essence of who I am and what I am all about. About writing itself, I have always had a love/hate relationship with the process of writing. From a young age I enjoyed writing. Being in school though it was mostly academic writing. Book reports, essays, research papers. I learned the skill of comprehension. Fast forward to college, where I studied journalism, and honed my skills at telling other people's stories. I went on to be a reporter for a year, but became burned out on the chun-and-burn character-count life of a daily reporter. I never felt "the beat."

So while I think I have the technical skill to string sentences together, that is a far cry from claiming my destiny to be the writer of my own story in the encapsulation of a book. I want to stop making excuses and really do the one goal  that has been nagging on my spirit to fulfill. But for some reason claiming this for myself is scary. And after all these years, I still haven't figured out why. A great mentor of mine once said, "Remove the fear, and the answer will appear."

I know for sure that I do have a story to tell. And it has been reassuring when over the years friends or even acquaintances have encouraged me to write down and share my story as well. But I always stop when I feel that I am writing from a place of ego. That feeling of, "I have to tell my story to inspire others, or show them how 'I live'" That is so not my intention. I feel very deeply that every person has a story to tell. So what makes my story so special? And this is where I become frozen. And the cursor just sits and blinks.

I'd be lying if I said a lot of these thoughts stirring inside of me don't have something to do with the farewell Oprah Show message. But I really didn't want this blog to be about Oprah. However, the core message of her show's farewell, as she has talked and wrote about during her entire public life, is her encouragement to "live your best life." I know without a shadow of a doubt, that for me, part of that challenge, that goal, is to overcome my fears and struggles with writing. Part of Jody Yarborough living her best life is to feel free, to be free, to live free the authentic life of an author. This is deeply what I feel part of my purpose on this planet is. I feel now is my time. That I finally have something to say.

Can any of you relate to what I am saying? I would deeply appreciate any words of advice or encouragement from my fellow-skirt community. I love being a part of this network of strong, powerful and insightful women.