Finding the right balance

I had to get up extra early this morning, for me that is. Waking up is something I don't do all that often because of my disability, I need a lot of rest. I mean A LOT– typically 10-12 hours to wake up naturally. And what my more active day has me realizing is just how much time I have been sleeping, and therefore, slipping away, by getting up around 11:30 a.m. most days. There is so many things I want to do and so many times I say, I just don't have enough time. I know, however, time isn't the problem. Everyone always has the same 24 hours to work with. It is about how I prioritize my time. Yet when I say "everyone" I know it is dangerous for me to hold myself to that standard because of how I have to take care of my health.

I believe that everyone should get enough rest and take care of their health, but as someone who faced a near fatal respiratory condition which evolved into a temporary heart failure at the young age of 24, I know I have to go the extra mile to make sure I get enough rest, eat right, and in short, don't "over do" it. And that is so hard to do! Especially as a person with a disability. Because all my life I have been driven at hyper speed and personal drive to not only DO but PROVE that I can do everything everyone else can do. And this struggle creates a dichotomy that can be very challenging to navigate at times. Where do I find the balance between zapping every moment out of every day of this blessed life I have, and not doing so much that it puts in jeopardy the same very life I love?

In the 11 years that have passed since I have (most thankfully) recovered from that health crisis, I have learned that there are no easy answers, no quick fixes. At times it has been a roller coaster of highs, accomplishing superwoman feats, and lows of barely getting dressed. But as I am nearing the halfway mark of this year, my 35th, I am feeling more deeply inside than ever that I have to find a way to not ride the coaster anymore, but, rather, be the one at the controls. For many years I think I have let the freedom of my youth allow me to put things off "until the time is right." The time is feeling right now. And I hope the universe is ready to receive what I am ready to offer it and what I am so humbled to claim: the greatness of my destiny. It brings to mind the serenity prayer: the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Many thanks again to the Skirt! for allowing me to be a part of this community. I so cherish how we give and receive support from each other. And share… bodily functions and all. :)