Hard Bargain

 I had been fairly skeptical of the six steps of grieving.  In fact, I still am a bit, but I found myself trying to bargain tonight as I lay awake listening to bad covers of beloved classics played at the bar down the street from my hostel.  

As I've been apt to do for the past five months, I've thought of the day I found out my niece died and as usual, I was brought to tears.  She was so full of life and had so much energy and personality wrapped up into her little person, it just seems so horribly impossible that she wouldn't be around.  So, tonight, with TJ in bed and an off-key version of "Knocking on Heaven's Door" wafting through the night air, I thought of the worst thing that had ever happened to me and thought, "I'd go through that again, if we could have Sarah back" and then I thought "hell, it doesn't even have to be forever, just long enough for me to smother her in kisses and listen to her protest, even though she loves it." 

Too bad it doesn't work that way.