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By Jennmck48, Monday, September 5, 2011, 2 commentsI often hear people talking about how so many marriages fail. It is true, more marriages end in divorce than ever before. We are taught biblically at least to get married and not live in sin. My question is, is it feasible in this day and time to have a marriage that will last? Mind you, I am not questioning God. I am just wondering (as others do) with so many changes over the years that it can be done.
So, why can't we stay married a long time? My guess is we grow, we change, we drift apart. We marry for babies, parents, beliefs or for other crazy reasons.
I have a handful of friends and family that have been married over 20 years. I admire them. However, I know it is not always roses! Trials and tribulations occur because after all we are human. I would love to have that kind of long-term commitment but not if it means hating them secretly which I have seen.
So, where do you stand on the basis of marriage?
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2 Comments
Where I stand ~~
My hubby and I have been married for over 30 years. We were high school sweethearts, took a ten year break, dated, and then got hitched. We were both in our late twenties, both from divorced homes, both wanted a family and a "working" marriage -- meaning, we were both willing to face and to deal with the hard stuff that comes from growing one's self IN the form of a marriage.
I made a pro/con list about him. The items in the pro list were fundamental ~ such as believes in fidelity, doesn't flirt with others, loves me, is willing, wants a family, is healthy, is "relatively" ambitious, is responsible. The con list involved my "preferences" (at the time) and basically, stuff that I NEEDED TO WORK ON vs. trying to change HIM to fit into MY PERFECT PLAN. (laughter)
We weren't all googly-eyed and infatuated. We came to our marriage with feet firmly on the ground and sleeves rolled up. I came from the theory that I want to grow personally and spiritually -- and anything that comes up in me about HIM that drives me nuts -- is MINE to investigate, explore IN ME. How I HATED having that theory sometimes! I SO wanted HIM to be wrong - be the problem.
We had two children together and they are now almost 30. We did come to what I call "the edge" a couple of times. Where I really didn't know IF we had more room for us to grow. I used to say, "I'm in this marriage as long as there is love." After a couple of decades, I realized that I would always love him even if we weren't together because of everything shared... So now my big mantra is, "I'm in the marriage as long as there is growth." And that begins with me.
Is our marriage everything I dreamed and hoped for? Laughter!! In some ways, it is FAR BEYOND what I could have imagined. In some ways, my dreams for me to create. What I love, adore, and appreciate is the good-hard work we have done TOGETHER and as individuals to grow ourselves the best we can ~ and the willingness to let go of defenses, of being right, or being self-righteous in order to find new room for love.
WOW!
WHat a great response! I love that you said, "anything that comes up in me about HIM that drives me nuts -- is MINE to investigate, explore IN ME" because so often we do not want to look at ourselves. So many times we want to blame the other person. Being insightful is so important in all situations.
Thanks so much for your feedback. I envy your 30 years!
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