Personal Training-Session 1- goal: don't pass gas.

Whut.up.

 

As promised today is the first (of at least 12) “fitness posts” from me. I have a personal trainer. Her name is Aimee. And two friends and I are preparing for weddings by getting our asses handed to us once and sometimes twice a week. And I’m going to share every painful moment with y’all. Please don’t stop reading my blog. (wink) I’m hoping that by sharing with you I’m going to keep myself accountable, journal my journey annnnd provide you with some riotous stories you can share with your BFFs.

 

**oh but wait, before I get into this, I have to tell you what I did this morning. I’m in the car on the way to work and I look in the mirror and realize I have TWO different earrings on!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!! I mean seriously? Jenn. But that reminds me of the time that I wore two different sized heels to work, both black but very different sizes. I didn’t notice until I was in the parking lot at work thinking hmmm I feel lopsided. If that aint a metaphor for my life I don’t know what is.

 

Week 1:

I was super duper nervous. I’m not sure why. It’s not like I’ve never been to the gym and/or probably done most of these exercises before.   But something inside of me was making me very nervous and extremely grumbly tummy-ied in apprehension of my first personal training (now after referred to as “PT”). I have to say that my “new” thing is to get serious digestive issues when ever I get nervous. And sweat. The sweating isn’t new. And there are numerous of little anecdotes I could share about my sweating and how it actually ruins everything in most scenarios like the time I ended up wearing a napkin like a dew rag at my BFF's wedding reception because it was the only way I could get myself from not dripping sweat on the table and floors. Or, here you go, here's a picture of "sweaty Jenn" trying on wedding gowns....

 

 

Way to go “sweaty Jenn”! Way.to.go. 

 

 

Moving right along. I have digestive issues and I’m petrified I’m going to pass gas in uncomfortable places (I’m also afraid of passing gas while sneezing. This happened to once in High School German class and it was traumatizing. I sat next to James O’Melia who was the football star and soooo hot. And there I was snarting my ass off-literally.) So, logic brings us to PT and me passing gas at PT. This would be bad. I’d have to acknowledge it and that would be equally awful. I have a little chat with my stomach and bum about not doing such things. And then I cross my fingers and hope for the best.

 

I get to the gym and realize I don’t have a sports bra and my head band is broken. I look like a homeless person who’s never been to the gym. It’s unfortunate. I’m not one of those “cute” active people. In fact, I’m the opposite. I’m usually sweating uncontrollably, tripping over my own limbs, scowling and grumbling and/or talking to myself. I’m what they call “unapproachable” when at the gym and/or being physically active. And it’s not that I don’t like it, I don’t mind it. I said last night I know what to do and how to do it. I’m a skinny girl trapped in a Kirstie Alley fat girl body, which makes being active uncomfortable. 

 

Then we get measured and we also learn out body fat percentage and BMI ….choke, cough….JESUS. Ok now my self esteem is really at its lowest. Low low low. What you say, I’m HALF FAT!?!?!?! And while it’s cute that the size negative 2 trainer tells me “not to worry” about that number. Good. Grief. I could vomit. On her shoes. Take that skinny personal trainer. Take that.

 

60 minutes of squats, (but no farting….yess!!!) bicep curls, ab workouts, etc. was not that bad. In fact it was great!! I'll be at a Jimmy Buffett concert for the rest of the week so I will see you next week!!!!!!!