Confident Parenting

Have any of you seen last week's Real Housewives of Orange County? Anyone? Anyone? Well, in case you haven't here's a little synopsis of part of the episode. Gretchen (the single party girl of the group) was concerned about one of Lynne's teenage daughters. She had heard the daughter make comments to her mother that made her think there might be a problem that wasn't being communicated. So she took it upon herself to take the daughter shopping and 'have a little talk'. Was Lynne happy about her concern? Did she welcome the possibility that there might be something her daughter wasn't telling her? Nope. Instead she dismissed Gretchen's concerns and got all "mama bear" (her words) and defensive. Now, I'm not going to say that the daughter whose name I can't remember and can't be bothered to look up is actually in trouble. Although... the teaser for next week's episode shows Lynne and her husband waiting up for said daughter who hasn't come home and hasn't been in contact with them (foreshadowing, what a convenient technique it is!). What I am saying is that Lynne struck me as a very insecure parent more concerned with how she came off than with actually finding out if her daughter was okay.

For me, if a friend of mine wants to essentially spy on my teenage daughter who has already been in some trouble for drinking, etc. then bring it on! Parents should be willing to welcome the help of whatever adult they can rope in to the task. And one of her big excuses was that Gretchen isn't the best role model for her daughter to follow. Who's asking her to? The fact that Gretchen has a bit (okay, a LOT) of a checkered past is all to the better. If you were doing things that weren't strictly legal who are you going to tell- a straight laced role model or a woohoo girl who's probably done everything you've done and more? The straight laced role model would run to your mommy and you'd get in trouble, the other one might give you some pointers.

Parenting is rough, my daughter hasn't even reached tweenhood and already I'm looking for spies to make sure she's not getting away with all of the stuff I got away with as a kid. I can't imagine trying to do it all on my own and actually being successful. The cliche "it takes a village" isn't far off. Confident parents know this. They know that they can't be everywhere their kid is all the time. They know that the kid has to rise and fall on their own sometimes. They also know that it doesn't hurt to have another adult there to provide a nonjudgemental ear and some judicious advice from time to time- especially if that adult has 'been there done that' and has had to face the consequences of their own poor choices. It's not a judgement call on you for poor parenting, it's an offer of help because your friend cares about you and your child, and doesn't want to see either one of you hurt.