Someone Else's Glasses

I stood out on the front stoop of our apartment building the other night, a little buzzed and delighting in my dirty little cigarette habit. It was clear, but cold, and I didn't care.

I had been thinking about people, about their lives, about the way they look to eachother and what they might be thinking about themselves. I thought about me, about what people might think about me. And I smiled, I laughed, I felt proud.

Sure, the wine probably had something to do with it, but for a brief second I thought others saw me in a positive light. I'm sure that's true, though probably not to the extent that I carried it that night on the stoop. I looked around my life, and my heart, and saw the most beautiful things. For a long minute I could imagine the "interview" that happens when you get to know someone the first time and all the wonderful things I could say about myself and my beautiful life. I was so full of joy and gratitude my blu-ish lips were pulled up into a smile.

This kind of thought process is not new for me. I think we all probably wonder what others think about us. For all but the last few years of my adult life I have largely thought they thought the worst. Then I went through a short phase where I reminded myself all the time that I don't care what they think. It's true, when you really get down to it. I wouldn't change a thing about my life, or who I am because people disapproved. It's not really that I care so much about what they think, I'm mostly just curious. We all wonder what others think - why do we assume the worst?

This perspective- through someone else's rose colored glasses -felt nice. I felt proud, confident, strong. I felt as though I DID have a beautiful life, a million beautiful things to be grateful for and the sense to finally just focus on the wonderful things.

I liked the idea that people thought of me in this nice, even flattering way. Of course there are those that probably do see mostly my flaws and their glasses would not feel so wonderful The point is, however, that I want to use the rose colored ones. They way we think of ourselves is so important. Even standing out there on the stoop I could feel the change in my energy and emotions when I thought of the things in my life that aren't as perfect. Immediately I felt a familiar darkness and weight creep into my heart. You really do create what you focus on. When I walked around in this dreamy world with its perfect job, perfect relationship, perfect house, perfect friends, perfect life... it felt great. And, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I DO have a great job, a beautiful relationship, a lovely home, incredible friends and therefore, I have about as perfect a life as you can get.

This perspective is empowering. We could all use a little extra love and gratitude in our lives. I want everyone to stand on their stoop and wear someone else's rose colored glasses.