Holy grail of girlfriends

I am the holy grail of girlfriends. I am by no mean deluded enough to believe that I am perfect, or even better than other girlfriends or wives... this statement came from a desire to let go of my deep insecurities and believe I am valuable, good, and genuinely loved by my partner.

When we first started dating, I had fallen in love with his heart and somehow had missed the fact that he is stunning. One night a woman at a bar excalimed "You look EXACTLY like Brad Pitt. EXACTLY! Doesn't he?" she said to her friend who nodded enthusiastically. I looked at him again. He did look like Mr. Pitt. I smiled, feeling proud. Over the next couple of weeks though, I began to really look at this man I had trusted with my heart. He was beautiful. Painfully so. And sweet, and loving, and incredibly kind. A pit of my own was growing in my belly. I, am not incredibly beautiful. I am not even particularly pretty. The emotion morphed over months to the point that I was certain every semi-attractive woman that moved within 25 feet of him was better for him than I was. Soon I had pegged every waitress, bar tender, bike-rider, and passer-by as a mortal threat to my relationship. I looked in the mirror and took stock. Not good.

Even as I watched myself spiral into the abyss of self-loathing and insecurity I coudl find no means to shake the feeling and was soon deeply mired in utter despair about the way I looked and the person I was.

Months later we were riding the motorcycle out to one of our favorite camping places to meet friends for the weekend and as I took in the fresh air and sunshine my mind wandered to my insecurity of the moment - a giant zit that had developed in the center of my right cheek. It was huge, angry and red, and I wondered how I could clevery conceal the thing my turing my face to one side or the other at opportune moments, or positioning myself with only the left side of my face showing in the glow of the fire. Somewhere in the wide graceful turn by the river it occured to me how ridiculous this line of thinking really was. What the hell was I doing to myself? I wasn't that bad. And he obviously loved me for who I was becuase he was still around two years later, massive volcano zits and all. Besides, I took fairly good care of myself. I loved to motorcycles, both as a passenger and a driver, I loved to camp, I loved to hike and bike and ski with him. I loved to jump off big rocks into cool waters with him and I loved to lie curled up on the couch with my head on his chest. He loved all those things too. I was adventureous, playful, fun and funny (sometimes). I was passionate about the environment and liberal politics. I was smart. I was generous. I was a decent cook. I was a bike-rider. I loved to laugh, I wasn't overly dramatic or needy. The biggest problem I had was that I thought I had a problem.

Oh sure, we're all a little crazy sometimes. Case in point. But the lesson that day on the back of the iron horse is that it's all in my head. And if I tell myself I'm great enough to deserve a man like Todd, then I will be. I won't be awkwardly insecure of every other woman on the planet. I won't be paranoid to leave the house without a trenchcoat and huge hat. I won't be dancing around trying to win his affection and attention... he'll just give it to me, like he always has because I'm great, and he knows it. The single sexiest thing I can do is be the confident woman I am. The greatest gift I can give our relationship is to love who I am. The more he sees my confidence, strength and joy, the more he wants to be close to me. A truth that holds for almost all people. Want to have a great relationship? Put on confidence. Don't have it yet? Tell yourself - you are an incredible woman. Find all your great features... who you are not just how you look, and remind yourself you're great. Better than great. Awesome. The Holy Grail of women.