Morning reflections ...

I haven't written anything personal lately because I've sort of put my personal thoughts on the backburner these last two weeks as I started several new jobs and this book challenge, but today, and for the last couple days, I've been sort of a flighty space cadet trying to get my thoughts in order.

So here, in no particular order are things I'm thinking about today:

Why does anyone need to work on a Sunday? I've been working 24/7 for the last two weeks and while I'm thrilled that things are going my way and I'm basically working for myself, I'm exhausted and I don't wanna work on a Sunday. Yet here I am hours from having to volunteer at a community read program at the library then drive 20 or so minutes to help a politician with his campaign material. Good money, good contacts and networking, however, not exactly the way I'd like to spend my Sunday.

Why do women feel the need to look younger than they are? Face lifts, fake tans, hair color, botox, clothes that show too much skin? There's a woman at my gym in her 50s, maybe 60s, and for the last few weeks it's been driving me crazy because she comes in with a poneytail down the middle of her back, chomps her gum like a teenager, drinks gatorade from a water bottle and wears really disgusting smelling, probably overpriced, perfume, and shows off her fake-tanned midrift whenever possible, oh and she wears blue eyeshadow - full makeup to the gym! I know good and well that it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Only because no one should feel that uncomfortable with who they are that they have to put on a facade for everyone at the gym. I mean we're all sweaty and gross for goodness sake, the gym is the last place you should worry about looking your best. In my opinion. But it also bothers me because it's sad. It's sad that this woman doesn't have enough support in her life to make her feel happy. I actually overheard a bit of a convo yesterday with her and another woman and appparently this is their second home, she has no friends her and her husband leaves her alone while he golfs all day long. No wonder she's insecure.

Why can we never seem to say exactly what we want to say when we want to say it? I got a surprise call this week from the woman I was dating a few months ago. She missed me and wished I'd want to see her. Well, it just so happened I'd been thinking about her and missing her as well so we arranged to hang out Saturday. We had a great day, coffee out, walks downtown and the botanical garden, mexican food and good movies, etc. She happens to be one of these women that has mastered the art of keeping her cards very close to her chest so I NEVER know what she's thinking or feeling, at all. And it's not a fault, because she lets you know, I guess, that she wants to be with you, by being with you, because if she wasn't in the mood, she'd leave. She doesn't sugar coat things. So I should be happy, we had a great day, but it drives me nuts to not know where I stand with this person. I've never really been good at going with the flow when it comes to relationship things, which is likely why I'm still single. So I'm really gonna try and chill out and see where things go, TRY being the key word.

Is there such a thing as too much coffee and if so, what are the negative effects on my body? For the last two weeks I've gone through nearly a pot of black coffee every day, and sometimes have thrown in a venti soy latte later in the day. I mean it's insane. And somehow, at the end of the day, I'm still absolutely exhausted. And I know that in reality, coffee really only helps us stay awake so much, but so why do I feel like I have to have it? Probably just a comfort/habit thing right?

Missing my friends. One thing I'm excited about with all this work is that I'll finally have money to go see my friends. Friends I haven't seen since college, since special graduations or weddings. Friends that it's just been too long since I've seen them. I've been feeling really nostalgic lately and craving my college years. While I was extremely bogged down with coursework and working at the school paper, life was ridiculously simple then. Do you know what I mean? Everything was sort of laid out. I knew exactly how the semester would go, when I'd get to see my friends, what time the bus came to and from my apartment ... I had it so good and I didn't even know it. But I'm glad that in the four years since I've been out of college, I've been able to mend some of the friendships that got lost along the way.

Still missing him. The ex. I haven't talked to him in about, or more than, a month now. This is the longest we've gone wihtout talking in two years. The biggest part of the last two years of my life is now officially my past. It's weird. It's a good feeling, and I can tell I'm happier, for the most part, and definitely more productive without him in my life, but it's so hard when something happens that I don't have him to go to, to talk to. I hate him for being so selfish and hurtful, but I'm glad we finally let each other go. We both deserve to be happy and it really was clear a long time ago that we weren't doing that for each other. So I hope he's happy and I hope that one day soon, I'll be happy enough to stop missing him.

It's Sunday morning, almost 11:00 and I just wish I had the whole day to sit around drinking coffee and reading in my pjs. But, I only have about two hours to enjoy that sort of thing, so I'm off to do it. After all, I've got work to do, bills to pay and a community entertain!

Thanks for listening to my random diatribe of thoughts. I just really needed to clear my head and forget about all the things I HAVE to do, just for a minute.