7 (+) things to do Naked (and one thing NOT to do naked)

 

I picked up the latest Cosmo Magazine this afternoon in a shop in the ritzy neighborhood of Amman, only to immediately set it back down because I saw that it cost 9JD ($13). But I actually picked it back up because one of the cover stories was “50 Things To Do Naked,” and I am a huge fan of nakedness. You can imagine my dismay, then, when I opened up to the article and started scanning only to find utterly worthless items like #17: spoon on the couch with your boy toy ; #31: call him and tell him he has 5 minutes to come over ; #44: eat strawberries with whipped cream and try to keep your hands off him.

 

Seriously, Cosmo? I mean, OK, I really shouldn’t have been surprised. The whole magazine is always centered on sex. I give them some credit for going with the whole “love your body” thing to the extent that their kind of publication can, but this was a serious let down. Why does nakedness have to be sexual, and why does it require a partner?? I mean, don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that being naked with your partner of preference isn’t totally kosher, too, but I just don’t know that Cosmo explored all the important aspects of nudity when they decided to dress up their monthly sex article with the uber creative concept of cooking naked.

 

Lets see if we can’t find some other ways to spend our nakedness, huh guys?

 

If ever I’m feeling uncomfortable with my body, a quick spirt in nakedland fixes me right up. All the parts that become poochy with a bra and jeans smooth out when I’m au naturale, and the curves are really awesome. I’ve always wanted someone to do a painting or sketch of me naked. Seriously, can we take votes on how weird that would be? Now vote again: what if I actually put the painting up somewhere in my house?

 

I’m writing this blog naked.

 

Some people get tattoos naked. I didn’t, though.

 

Remember that commercial for pizza something or other that came in a box? “Pizza in the morning, pizza in the afternoon, pizza at suppertime…!” That’s how I feel about nakedness. Its really never the wrong time.

 

Just flossed naked.

 

The nudist colonies in…well, I actually haven’t got a clue where they are. Probably California. They get it: not only does nudity make you feel good, but it acknowledges our purist state of nature, our natural equipment for the elements and the equality that it provides us all.

 

Just turned on iTunes, naked. George Strait. Is that appropriate? Not really sure.

 

Now here is a thing about nakedness: its an all or nothing deal. Seems counterintuitive, cause a little of a good thing is better than none of it, right? But when you walk around in bra and underwear—or even JUST underwear—you totally do not get the same effect. Who would have thought?

 

Just stretched naked. My shins have been hurting lately.

 

I actually don’t like to sleep naked. Cause for all the security it offers me in the mirror, it leaves me jumpy and nervous while I sleep. Don’t know what it is, but I wake up a lot and have dreams of being caught off my guard—never sleep very well. That’s if I’m alone, of course: the opposite is true when the opposite is the case, if you know what I’m saying.

 

Just checked self out in the mirror naked. I forget about the freckles on my back. There must be a hundred on my shoulders. And I just realized that I have one on each love handle. Kind of bizarre, but I guess its…unique? Why is this news to me; we should all know that kind of thing about our naked selves.

 

My mom is really into Native Americans. She loves their ability to live in harmony with nature. She has started running in barely-there shoes because it’s the closest thing she can get to running barefoot, which she insists is the best possible way (citing the Nigerians, Chileans and-yep- Indians). She would probably also advocate kayaking, gardening, and riding horses naked, or at least nearly so, if it were possible.

 

Just washed my face naked. The water was either too cold or too hot, so it wasn’t pleasant.

 

I’ve always wanted a private porch so that I could sit outside naked. When I was in about 10^th grade, we had something relatively close to that. I took advantage a few times until I really considered the possible negative consequences (I lived about 5 minutes from my high school).

Its late. I’m going to read a little bit (naked) and then go to bed (clothed). But consider it, if you can. Take some time and just be naked. Sure you can take Cosmo’s advice, but don’t forget that there are actually some non-sexual benefits to be gained too.

 

Instead of reading my book about Hamas, I just reread some of my blogs. Naked. Have you read the one about airports? Its really good!