Just a Number

“It just a number!” my husband told me. “ No one will know that number unless you tell them.”

Deep inside, I know it’s just a number, but it haunts me like a bad dream; monsters that chase me down, shake me like a rag doll and growl at me through their nasty fangs. The nightmare won’t go away. The number I desire won’t reappear. Unbeknownst to me, it must have been banished to a dark cave, never to be retrieved. (At least that is the way it feels.)

It’s not that I’m asking for much, only about 10 less. That would be my happy number.

I started my intense workout regimen six weeks ago, 10 pounds above where I like to be. Never, I mean NEVER, have I seen my scales so doggone consistent. I used to fluctuate up and down by five pounds. But I always hovered around my “happy number.” I definitely understand that working out builds muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. But this is ridiculous. I can’t be transforming THAT quickly. It boggles my mind that I haven’t lost yet, not even one measly pound!

Why am I frustrated?

Most normal beings would be thrilled. I’ve seen great results in this brief month and a half. I should be ecstatic. I’m stronger, more flexible, and have felt an encouraging weight shift. I feel more toned in places that I set out to firm up. So what’s wrong with me? Can’t I be happy with my positive outcome, thus far?

I’m preoccupied by a number that I thought fit me well. Maybe I need to banish my scales to a dungeon, lock them up in chains, or better yet, just toss them out the window. I should just be happy that my jeans fit better.

I DO feel better about myself, I’m just hung up on a number. I will continue with my dedication to my kick butt workouts and try to develop a brain strengthening exercise too. (repeat after me, Gina, I am feeling better head to toe…numbers don’t matter!) Maybe that way I could call it “total body fitness.”

Do you find yourself struggling with a number issue too?