Patience Ticks Me Off

As I mentioned yesterday (http://skirt.com/getaclewis/blog/love-dare), I've decided to tackle The Love Dare, inspired by the movie Fireproof, and eke my way toward becoming a more loving partner. My first success today was remembering to continue what I'd started. Woohoo! (These days, with my feeble memory, I take my victories where I can. ha)

To recap Day One of The Love Dare, my mission was as follows:

“The first part of this Dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.”

I have to admit that my task didn’t turn out too tough and I can’t even take the credit. As is often the case, my husband was traveling yesterday! Haha. It’s generally easier to exhibit patience if you’re chopping your relationship into email tidbits, soundbites and three or four phone calls, right? (Although I can mess even that up.)

So, to be fair, I’ll rapid rewind to the day before when, after I had spent three-and-a-half hours in the dentist’s chair, my husband and I were trekking back through Atlanta’s rush-hour traffic toward home. (Aren’t those just the natural ingredients for a classic disaster?)

I was slouched on my side of the car, trying to pretend that half of my face wasn’t drooling and beginning to ache as the meds wore off. I’m probably a worse patient than most, because a tomboyish bicycle accident when I was 9 left me without my front teeth and dentists have been my own personal horror ever since.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just go straight to the grocery store to save time, rather than dropping you at home first?” suggested my beloved, helpfully. Let me emphasize that this glorious man was not only concerned about my comfort, but he was preparing a soft meal to ensure it AND going Krogering to that end.

So I was imminently grateful, right?

Hmm. Well, let’s just say that, yes, I was glad he was cooking and not me, though I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry at the moment. Our kids are always ravenous after school. More than anything, however, I wanted to get home and slide onto the cool sofa and forget the afternoon’s bridge construction in my face. (There’s nothing quite like a jackhammer behind your eyes to leave you longing for escape.)

OK, so I desperately wanted to go home and, no, I did NOT want to ride along to the store but, since I could think of no gracious way to say this, I embraced the Love Dare and gently acquiesced.

I DID IT! Woohoooo!

“So,” he continued, “do you think I should go to Kroger? Or I could just stop at Publix, which is closer.”

Meanwhile, we passed the entrance to our subdivision and the hallowed gates to our sofa and then sat backed up in traffic that was not showing promise of swiftly getting us to our destination - and BACK HOME.

“Traffic is a bear tonight,” he added, and then proceeded to take three straight phone calls, rattling on about business matters. I, meanwhile, was sulking and eying the clock.

“So… what’s it going to be – Kroger or Publix?”

The Love Dare said to say nothing at all, right? If I was beginning to think snarky thoughts, I should just keep them to myself. Right? I mean, seriously, did I really care where he bought the groceries?

I kept silent and stared out the window. Victory again.

Well, OK, sort of. That wasn't exactly in the Love Dare spirit.

“So… do you think I should pull into Publix?” he mused, unfortunately aloud, as he eyed the lanes of cars stopped in traffic alongside us.

Picture me flinging The Love Dare out the window. OK, only mentally. But there it went, its pages flailing in the rush-hour smog.

“I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU GO; JUST DO IT!” I snarled, exasperated. It was a weeee bit of an overreaction, since he had done zilch wrong. Ya think?

Ahem. Patience. An easy task, huh?

They start you out with baby steps on Day One. Anyone can be nice to a saint, right? (And I wonder why he travels so much.)

Sigh.

So … moving on to Day TWO:

Uh oh. “Love is Kind.

“Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing,” says the Love Dare. “One is preventive; the other is proactive. Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likable. When you’re kind, people want to be around you.”

Out of kindness come gentleness, helpfulness, willingness and initiative.

“The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first. They don’t require the other to get his or her act together before showing love.”

I’m lucky that I’m in an affectionate, bonded marriage – and I struggle sometimes with basic kindness when I’m in a funk. But imagine how tough it would be for someone whose marriage is on the rocks after years of perceived wounds and neglect.

“It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation,” says The Love Dare. “But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.”

Today’s Dare:

“In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.”

My husband’s plane lands in a few hours.

If I hurry, I think I know just the thing.

P.S. Day 2: http://skirt.com/getaclewis/blog/love-dare-day-three-still-married