The Friends and Family Issue

Notes to my Friends:

1. Please ask me to bring wine instead of food to a potluck dinner. You will be sad and possibly poisoned otherwise.

2. I want to want a dog, and when I reach that point, I’ll find one on my own. Instead of suggesting breeds I might like, you should focus your efforts on guys I might like. Are you saving the single men you know for a rainy day?

3. If, in a rash unguarded moment, I ask you to critique something I’ve written, the right response is, “Oh my god, I wish I had your talent.” Don’t say, “That’s interesting,” or I might kill myself.

4. On the other hand, be honest about whether you really like my haircut. Sort of.

5. I won’t be getting up at 7am on Saturday to go to yard sales with you (unless I’m out of my right mind on pain pills for a root canal or something).

6. If I start to complain about my weight, please tell me to shut up.

7. Your secrets are safe with me because I probably won’t remember them the next day.

8. I get carried away by passing enthusiasms. For instance, if I try to talk you into going on a month-long pilgrimage by foot to Santiago de Compostela, just wait it out until I move on to the next Idea of the Month. Because I always think I like to hike, but really I like to have hiked.

9. No, once and for all, I don’t want to go bowling.

10. I could not live without you!