"Happythankyoumoreplease"

I recently saw a movie called Happythankyoumoreplease. It was written and directed by, and stars Josh Radnor, from the show How I Met Your Mother (I’ve barely seen the show but find him sooooo attractive). The message of the movie lies in an anecdote that one of the characters, Annie, tells in the film: While on a cab ride, the cab driver tells her that in order to be happy, one must give thanks, and ask for more.

Asking for more is a strange concept to me. It’s as if the Catholic guilt from my childhood is still present when a little voice says, “Do you even deserve to ask for more?” More love, more joy, more fun, more happiness? I mean, you’re supposed to give thanks for what you have and be satisfied with that. Do we need more?

I’ve realized that I would like to ask for more. More love, more joy, and more fun.

It’s not that I don’t have these things is my life already. I just know there is plenty of room for more.

A big area in my life where there is certainly room for more is friendships. I’m lucky to have made many friends in my life, all across the country and even the world. There are so many people I could call on for support and love. But there’s a problem: I don’t!

I’ve touched on themes similar to this in many many posts, but here goes again. Somewhere along the way in my life, I adopted a survival technique that I thought would protect me from bad things: keep your distance from people, and then you’ll never have to worry about having any conflict. This arose from a combination of knowing a few crazies growing up and being a sensitive person. I realized that keeping people away really did cause less conflict and less fear. But how long can that really go on before you realize that you’ve basically become a loner?

I’m lucky that I have recognized this negative effect and that I have made an effort to keep in contact with friends far away and once in a while make plans with friends that are near. But it’s not enough. It’s so rare that I initiate plans with people that it truly seems like I’m waiting around for someone to initiate plans with me. And that’s not a life, is it? I need to revert back to those days in elementary school when I was always asking friends to come over to my house.

So I plan to ask for more with friendships, and that means I plan to initiate plans more, or if all friends are busy, to make a new friend or make plans with an acquaintance in order to get to know them better. Because I’ve been keeping people away for so many years, I now have a lot of fear of “putting myself out there,” but I’ve realized that if I really want to be happy, I have to ask for more in friendships.

The other thing I want to ask for more of is love—the romantic variety.

Here’s the “love trajectory” that my life has taken: Since I was five I’ve had crushes on boys, and basically from that age until the early 20s I wanted a boyfriend. I had one romantic blip at age 22 but that was over quickly. I’ve gone from raging hormones and wanting to make out with just anyone, to hoping that “the one” will come into my life. Finally I realized after 24 years that obsessing over romantic love was torture and that I would be happier if I didn’t think about it at all and just focused on myself and my own passions and goals.

While I really believe that that last sentence is true, I’ve started wondering if it’s really so wrong to ask for a little more romantic love. Yes, it’s better not to obsess over the elusive “one,” but what’s the harm in engaging with the opposite sex a little more?

Now, I’m traditional, so I’m not talking about doing anything naughty (though I’m not condemning that), but come on people, I’m 25 and I’ve been kissed ONCE in my life. ONCE! My first few weeks of college, my brain buzzed with excitement when I saw the new, large pool of attractive guys I was going to have access to. But I basically just drooled at them for four years, nothing ever happened. My hormones are probably angry at this point, thinking that their presence has been a waste. LOL

Sometimes just even talking to an attractive male cashier is a joyous experience for me because for those few moments, I connected in a pleasant way with a man. And here’s a creepy fact: whenever I see male mannequins, I have this huge urge to hug them, cause then I’d be able to feel that masculine touch. That’s how bad it’s gotten, people!!

I don’t know if I need to just wait for “the one”. Maybe I can ask for more now- more connections with males, more harmless flirting, more hugs, and maybe a kiss. That would make me happyyyy.

More please!