Flirtcapades

So once again I’m reading a book from the seemingly embarrassing (but not really) Dating or Flirting genre (there are so many books about flirting that I think it deserves its own genre), and this one is called: The Flirting Bible: Your Ultimate Photo Guide to Reading Body Language, Getting Noticed, and Meeting More People Than You Ever Thought Possible.  As I’ve said before, I eat this type of book up; it always puts me in a good mood and makes me feel excited about new possibilities.

So far, the book explains that flirting is having casual, friendly, and exciting interactions with people, for the purpose of…having casual, friendly, and exciting interactions with people.  The goal of flirting is to flirt.  It is not to find a relationship or get some action.  It is to make a sincere and fun connection, and make the other person feel good.

I'm realizing that the reason I don’t engage in flirting often is because it involves the often-mentioned concept of “putting yourself out there,” and that is nerve wracking.  An example of a flirting “technique” that I’ve heard about more than once is paying a guy a compliment.  This apparently is a great way to flirt because it makes the guy feel flattered, and in my opinion, is a good way to start a conversation out of nowhere.  But how do you pay a dude a compliment?  It’s so easy to pay a girl you don’t know a compliment.  “I like your shoes."  “I love your purse.  May I ask where you got it?  I’ve been looking for one like that.”  With a guy, I’m certainly not going to be so bold as to say, “I like your face,” so do I go with “I like your shoes.  I’ve been looking for some like that for my…dad?”

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the handful of times in my life when I actually have “put myself out there" and flirted, and though it involved a few butterflies in my stomach, the results were incredible.

My favorite example occurred several years ago, when a friend from college was visiting, and contrary to our low-key lifestyle in college, we decided to live a little and go to a bar.  We must have felt extra confident having each other there, because we spotted two guys sitting on a couch (the bar was more like a lounge) and we went up to them and started a conversation.  We talked about all sorts of random things and they were really nice guys.  I think we all knew that there were no love connections being made, but we all enjoyed getting to know some new people.  As we were saying goodbye, one of the guys, a Chemistry TA at a fancy college, said to me, “You’re gorgeous, by the way.  You’re my type.”  Now, I was wearing sneakers, no makeup, and a raggedy outfit (I didn’t try too hard in those days).  I had no IDEA that compliment was coming.  But he said it, as if it just needed to be said, with no agenda, and then we all parted ways.  I don’t think I have to tell you how excited I was about that compliment.  I wasn’t “attracted” to the guy per se, but he was nice, and he told me I was GORGEOUS.  I was on a high for three days straight after that.  There’s nothing like receiving such a flattering compliment, especially when it doesn’t happen often.  But it happened that night because my friend and I were bold enough to flirt with those guys!

The second example occurred a couple of years ago, when I was taking a Greyhound bus from school back home to attend a friend’s wedding.  Seats were scarce, so I knew I was going to have to sit next to a stranger, and I decided to sit next to an attractive guy who looked like he was around my age.  At first he looked out the window and I read a book, but after a few minutes I started up a conversation.  I honestly don’t remember what I said, but he responded with a friendly demeanor, and I knew we were going to talk for a while.  We didn’t fall in love or anything, but we did talk for a couple of hours, got separated at the bus station before boarding our next bus, found each other again, talked more, and became facebook friends (it's something!).  I was really proud that I took the initiative and made a connection!

The last example I have written about in a blog post before, and it was a few years ago at a party.  I saw a cute guy, walked up to him and started talking to him, and we ended up dating for a bit.  How it turned out isn’t really important (not so much badly as awkwardly) but I made another nice connection all because I went up and talked to someone!  That’s the only time so far I have been so completely bold about being interested in someone.  I think my hormones fueled my courage, but hey, they made me bold and I made another connection.

Reminiscing about these flirtcapades just reminds me of how much joy and excitement can come from a little flirting, even if it’s nerve-wracking.

These days I go to the supermarket, a coffee shop, the bank, or a store, and I think, “I’ve got to practice, I have to flirt with at least one person today,” but I keep making up excuses as to why the time is not right.  Meanwhile, casual, fun connections are being missed.  Potential happiness-inducing interactions like the "You're gorgeous" episode will never happen at this rate.

I need to get past those butterflies and just do it.

Let the flirtcapades begin.