No Test Drives in Marriage

Maybe it’s a domino effect of a fickle Hollywood.  Maybe it’s a side effect of middle age.  Maybe it’s just the whole nutty world romanticizing the past and burning up Facebook, but in any case, there’s a whole lot of divorcing going on.

Another pair of really (really)  good friends have decided to call it quits and it’s impossibly sad.  Fifteen years together.  Kids.  They just couldn’t make it work. 

And it seems to be happening all around.  Everywhere.

Close friends.  Acquaintances.  Friends of friends.  Ashton and Demi (which, btw, is a little ridic since perhaps everyone EXCEPT Demi seemed to see this coming for years…)

I just don’t understand it sometimes.  Probably because James and I have been married more than 20 years (and I find the thought of dating or re-marrying exhausting) but it makes me wonder what, if anything, we’re doing right.

I imagine it helps that we met in college.  The holding of the hair back after a particularly festive evening of woo-woos.  The anger-induced hole in off-campus-apartment- sheetrock (after a particularly festive evening of woo-woos?  …pattern, anyone?).  Joint slumbers on twin mattresses.  Smeared black liquid eyeliner.  Shared toothbrushes.  My gawwwwwd – SMOKING…. Nope, it definitely doesn’t get any uglier than college. 

And we’ve certainly had our share of fights, too.  Six months in, as newlyweds, during a memorable night in a Jersey Shore bar, a bouncer had my brand-new spouse ejected for bothering me (worth noting that in 1991, it was pre-Snooki and pre-Chris Brown-beatin-on-yo-girl days)

.

“But I’m her husbannnnnnnnnnd” his voice trailed as they escorted him out.

Makes for a funny story now.  Not so much in 1991.

We’ve fought a lot.  Still do.  But it never gets the best of us.

We drive each other crazy sometimes and both have lists of faults (I like to believe mine is shorter).  Like, MY little obsession with karaoke (…3 times in 9 days… yeah?  and your point would be….?)  and HIS ability to live in a home with a glass shower for five straight years without ONCE picking up the squeegee….  Oh hell, we can run circles around each other with all the bickering but it never really goes below the belt.

And we don’t get too caught up in the stupid shizz…

…we nag the other to get up and start moving if waistlines start expanding (damn alcohol)…

…and we are somewhat respectful of the other’s gender-specific desires (he’s kept his hair and I’ve kept my boobs that arrived with four pregnancies).

We have fun.  A lot.

And since most days it seems harder to be a parent than a spouse, we’re committed to staying together because there’s strength in numbers….

…and it might be true that if we just hold firm (and keep doors locked)…

…there’s a very good chance we can beat those teenagers at their quest for family domination….

I digress.

Still, I am sad that my friends couldn’t make it work and I so want them both to find happiness. 

I guess I just wish that marriage wasn’t so damn difficult for other people.  Especially the people I love.  

-- Tina Drakakis