When I Grow Up...

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I got my first clue things were shifting when they changed the name of the Personnel Department to Human Resources. That title brought to mind bodies wearing pressed suits and hanging from huge hooks, cycling around on a motorized rack like the one in the dry cleaners. A neat filing system, it displayed unlimited selections to replace the used-up models that had been piled into the roll-off dumpster in the alley. My second clue arrived the morning after the merger papers were signed. Smelly, disgusting ashtrays now resided in front of every elevator bank and polluted the conference rooms and cafeteria tables.

The company that had a long-established history of valuing its employees was changing. Employees were “invited” to attend huge meetings starring the top echelon of players speaking on confusing topics such as, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Unnerving rumors of layoffs filtered through every department. White binders began to appear in the arms of teary-eyed coworkers. Slim white plastic binders held severance information. Prepared in secrecy, they were presented to the unlucky ones at the moment of their firing.

When my supervisor casually plucked mine from the stack on her desk, it took a moment to sink in. I stared at it blankly while my brain came to an abrupt halt and then raced to catch up with what she’d been saying for the past three minutes.

The fact that my wonderful job had evaporated along with my equally wonderful paycheck took about a week to sink in. My severance package would give me some time to figure myself out, to decide, as the astute vice president had put it, what I wanted to be when I grew up. But like a cocky 16-year-old with her first job and her own set of keys to the family car, I was certain I’d already grown up. So I followed everyone else to the outplacement offices that had been set up to attempt to funnel a thousand employees back into a collapsing job market.

My husband, Bruce, saw my situation for what it was—a gift. He knew I loved my job. But he also knew the stress it caused was beginning to affect my health in the form of increasingly high blood pressure.

“Take your time,” he said. “Use this opportunity to figure out what you’d really like to do.”