7886
viewsThe Kid Question
By Elizabeth Barton, Saturday, October 31, 2009, 5 comments
was sublime. After all, it’s not often that I get to wear a beautiful gown, have almost everyone I love in the same room and dance the night away. Combine all that with the fact that I was legally united to the love of my life, and it was as close to perfection as a day can get.
That was also the day when people stopped asking me the question I had been hearing for roughly five years: “When are you going to get married?” The question had several variations (Why haven’t you two gotten married yet? Do you think he’s going to propose soon? Are you ever going to get married?), but it was essentially the same. Happily, I knew I would not be hearing it anymore.
Of course, that question was promptly replaced by a new one. I had been expecting it at some point—I would have been naïve not to—but I was a bit surprised when it came not 15 minutes after Ian and I had tied the knot.
“So, when are we going to start seeing a little Liz and Ian?” a family friend asked at the cocktail hour that immediately followed our wedding ceremony.
Humor, preferably of the sarcastic ilk, really is the only appropriate response to this question, especially when it is posed while the ink on your marriage license is still drying. “I’m sorry, did you want us to slip into the coat room and get started on that right now?” I said.
Although I laughed off the inquiry at the time, I knew that it was only the beginning. “When are you two going to have kids?” was what most people would be asking sooner or later.
What bothers me most about this question is not that it’s intrusive. I suppose I can understand the curiosity to some degree, even though my reproductive status is not really anyone else’s business, except of course my husband’s.
The bothersome thing is that the question is so presumptuous. I’d be much more amenable to the question if the when were excised from it. With that small change, it goes from presupposition to merely curious inquisition. But, alas, the when is almost always there.
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5 Comments
No Progeny
Charles Savoie---I had a rich uncle who once told my mother "poor people don't need insurance." That was somewhat cold, but after poor folks buy food for kids they can't afford, no bucks remain for insurance. Many children around the world are in poverty due to low living standards and low income parents. I don't see that those who haven't had kids are failing. In my case, I understand that no child of mine will ever have to face age, loss of vitality, disease, and death. Just consider---by refusing to be parents, people could have ended God's agenda (whatever it is) centuries ago. But the sex drive is quite powerful and overcomes all else. I had an attorney tell me once a reason I wasn't empaneled on a jury was because I had "not completed the adult cycle" by having children!! Another reason was "facial hair on men is considered too liberal." Gee. But I have been a step parent many times---to dogs. They also had real parents. As my treasured pets entered disability phases, and died, I wished they had remained spirits and never entered this corrupt world. Clerics who say living things age and die due to a supernatural curse in this world are correct, and science will never be its match.
I love this!
You are soooo right. Long ago I stopped asking when? We're never happy for anyone unless they're working towards "next". Shut up and let us enjoy what we have now. Even with 2 kids, one with a developmental disorder, people ask "is it time for the next one"? I thought my baby being in kindergarten would be the sign that we were done (because we didn't broadcast hubby's vasectomy) but noooooooooooooo...."well, now that the house is empty, what are you going to do to fill it?" *wink, wink elbow, elbow* Um, write. Start doing things for myself. Sadly, it's about everything. When are you going to graduate? When are you going to get a job? When are you going to get a promotion/better job? When are you going to retire? Why are our lives everyone else's business?
Renee
The kid question
Love, love, love this article! At 47 years old having raised five kids with the last one (a 17 year old) still at home I should have asked myself that question. I love my kids don't get me wrong but I must say that life after kids is definately different. Now I get the grandkid question "So when are you kids giving you grandchildren?" As if...No thank you! It's my time now! So skirt off to you stick to your guns, have fun and don't worry about it!
Thank you.......
for putting this into words!! 35 myself and have been battling 'the kid question' since my wedding day, which was over 6 years ago. We still have yet to make a final decision - in fact we go back and forth quite a bit. We happen to really enjoy our lives!! Why is it that so many people feel the need to be involved in the life choices of others?
www.WomenGetWealthy.com
Selfish non-breeders
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