Headiness

I have struggled with the white page lately. I have struggled to put into words the changes and shifts of my reality. This

week I felt stuck in my head, even when I took a break from my projects: like trying to install new Customer Relationship Manger software and planning a golf tournament I was still there in my head. I was not engaged with the moment but rather engaged with thinking deeply about my projects, about life, about past conversations, struggling to connect in conversation in the moment.

Last Sunday, March 14th was the day my father was born; he isn’t on this earth anymore and hasn’t been for 8 years this July. However this sort of floating headiness that I experienced this last week reminded me of him. How he would come down the couple stairs from him open office with a big picture window and eat dinner with us, how his physical body was there but nothing else. His eyes stared to a far off point that I am not sure was even on this earth, his participation in any table conversation was almost non existent. This is how many meals were in my adolescent years, both my sisters had already moved out and I was almost like an only child, my mom, dad and I would sit and eat in silence.

The house was quiet through my teen years for the most part. When I look back it seemed almost too large, like it would swallow the three of us who circled around in our own worlds contained in our minds. Now snuggled into a cozy apartment with DH I am finding myself delving into my head world, loosing connection with reality, with the physical ground, I know I need to come back, be here right NOW but I am struggling with what that looks like, and how do it.