Guess what makes an American?

I can't even begin to start griping about how much this "birthing" controversy regarding Obama -- excuse my English -- bugs the fuck out of me.    Maybe it's because, despite the fact I too was born here, in Baltimore Maryland in Mercy Hospital, people always asked me "Where are you from?" or "What are you?"  Why do they ask me this?  Well, duh.  I'm a little Asian.  Because, for some reason, I can't just be from America.  Of course, wittiness never comes to me when I most need it, so I'm writing these responses down so I can remember them for future reference.

Possible witty responses to "Where are you from?"

1. "The Planet Earth. How about yourself?"

2. "The 13th state to approve the ratification of the Articles of Confederation. Were you from one of the really cool original states?"

3. "I ask God that question every day."

4.  "An XX chromosome that gave me a 4'11 stature but a surprisingly powerful kicking foot.  Would you like me to demonstrate?"

5. "The apes.  Just like you."


Possible witty ansers to "What are you?"

1. "An amalgation of molecules."

2. "A devastingly witty woman that is giving you this witty response."  

3. "A writer a BFA in Dramatic Writing that doesn't know how to write very dramatically." 

4. "A lover of humans, beer, and nature."

5. "A fast runner that you'd want on your side when the Zombie Apocalypse happens."

6. "A 4'11 person that is not technically but somewhat close to midget status."

Why do I respond with these words and not the simple "I'm Filipino American"  or "I'm from Maryland.  I was born here."?   Because I don't need to justify or prove my Americaness to anyone.