To be or not to be a Mom?

I'm wondering there is something wrong with me.   All friends my age are either moms, about to become moms, or planning to be moms.  Me?  I'm barely selfless enough to section off time for my husband.

Is there something missing in me if I don't know if I want to be a mom?  I mean, this is only how I feel now, at 30.  Things could definitely change in 5 years or so.  But I'm constantly feeling like I have a timeline on my back.  Which is ridiculous given that I just wrote a blog two days ago about my own set definition of being a grown up.

The thing is -- I'm not sure what the future has in store, and if I'm not focused on babies and I only have somewhat of a struggling career as a freelance writer, then what the hell am I heading towards.  I know, I know.  I should compare my life to other people's.  It's this REALLY bad habit I have.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if something is wrong with me if I don't pro-create.  If I'm not sure if I have it in me to be a mom or will ever have it in me to be a mom.  If there is something wrong with my next two weeks being planned around beer events.  

I guess some days I feel okay about my state in life.  Okay with life in general but not really sure when the end game of the next few years are.  I even picked a fight with my husband about it. 

"Are we ever going to change?"  I asked him. 

"What do you mean by that?" He says.

"Will we ever get a cat or a dog or a child ---" I say.

"You want kids?!? I thought you said you didn't want --"  He panicks.

"Or will we ever leave this expensive ass city?" I ramble on.

"What are you talking about?  Those are all separate issues!"  He reasons.

"Change!" I yell.  "If we don't kids, we should get a cat or a dog!  Or we should move! Or if we don't do any of those, we should have a kid!" 

To give my husband credit, he realized that he should just be quiet and let me yell my head off.  Because I'm not mad at him.  I'm mad at situations, at indecision, at uncertainity.  I'm mad that I really don't know where I am or where I'm going and that, okay, maybe like my therapist says, I'm not so much a grown up.  Is this true? 

But I know, deep down, no one has their life figured out.  And, well, that no other person's opinion of what life should be can define what my life should be.    But who is ever certain about the future?  Cat or dog owners?  Mothers or non mothers?  Married or single?  Little drinking Asians like myself?    Are any of you?