yep, sometimes it's about me

I've realized that sooner or later every blogger has to come to grips with their own narcissism. While thinking about this inevitability, I went back to my notes from 2008 when I was dreaming of starting a blog and quite hesitant to put my thoughts out there. My reasons for starting the blog were simple: connect with like-minded artists, share with others that may seek healing through creativity and to nurture my own creativity in the process. Blogging, for me, would be an exercise to keep me engaged and prevent me from withdrawing (as I am prone to do). It recently occurred to me that there are people in my life that don't know or understand what a blog is and since there is that gap in understanding it leaves room for misunderstanding or let's be plain: judgement.

Of course my next step was Wikipedia so that I could get a better understanding of what narcissism is and to basically check it against my social media footprint (yes, I am that nerdy). I believe that we are all capable of narcissism in some form or another...whether it be through our children (hello facebook trophycases) or our job title. But the idea of being judged by non-bloggers or family for writing about things that are relevant to my life or the life I am working towards---feels ugly. For example, in my family (Mom excluded) the sentiment goes a lot like "big deal, she must have no life, nobody cares about that sh*t". 

Pretty ugly, right? It's obvious that I've lacked a support system most of my life (Mom excluded), and because of that I've struggled with low self-esteem. Which brings me back to my original notes on why I should start blogging. I recognized a need and a void in my life that needed filling. Don't have a support system? Well then I'll just create one, damnit.

The Wikipedia definition does state that a "reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allow's an individual's perception of their needs to be balanced in relation to others." I don't care about the people that will never understand why I blog or those that judge me for it. I'm doing it because the benefits outweigh the negatives, period. -and yes Aunt So and So sometimes it IS about ME.