Is it landing the perfect round house kick? Maybe it involves the popular palm strike technique? How about pepper spray? No. Not it. The single most important self defense move you need to know is having good boundaries.

What does "good boundaries" mean? It means having the ability to say, "No, I'm not going to give you my phone number," "No, I don't need you to walk me to my door," or "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you." Ouch! Sure sounds bitchy!

Here's an idea: how about we stop thinking of empowered statements that express clear boundaries as "bitchy." Our definition of "lady-like" needs to start including things that prevent rape--PERIOD. If we continue to think it's more important to be nice than to listen to our instincts and be assertive, we will remain victims.

In addition to good boundaries, the second most important self defense move you need is still not any specific kick or punch--it's to just fight back in general. If you are attacked, SCREAM! Push! Run! Slap! Throw things! Scratch! In the book Stopping Rape, it says, "The best way to prove that she is not willing is not by saying 'please don't,' or 'I have my period.' The best way to prove that the act is not consensual is by physical resistance." The book explains that women who prevented rapes ran away, screamed, and used physical force. The least effective strategies were pleading and crying. The more strategies a woman used, the less likely she was to be raped.

Learning self defense can give you more confidence in your ability to fight back. A lot of women have never thrown a punch or learned how to kick. Most self defense classes will offer some "sparring" time that can be really helpful later on--even if you forget every little technique they taught you. If the poo hits the fan, you might not remember to use your heel to scrape his shin bone, but at least you'll have some realistic experience physically resisting.

One more note on having good boundaries...since only 3%-5% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by strangers, most self defense fighting techniques will never need to be used. The vast majority of rapes are non-violent because the perpetrator is a friend you welcomed into your home or who took you out on a date. This person isn't going to beat you up to get what he wants--he's going to push your boundaries.

Stay safe ladies! Remember, "Whatever I wear...Wherever I go...Yes means yes...And no means no!"