I am Me

When America won its independence in 1776, the smell of cannon and musket fire enveloped the air. The feet of the victorious stood firmly on the blood soaked land. The smoke from the ends of their weapons swirled over them like clouds, blanketing their clothes and hair with the scent of war. Bandaged and wounded, they marched home in celebration. They fought for what they believed in and they succeeded. They were free.

On this Independence Day, 234 years later, I rest cross-legged on the pavement of an auto-sales parking lot. With arms outstretched behind me, I stare up at the colorful fireworks breaking through the night sky. Off in the distance, closer to where they are being set off, a chorus sings our national anthem with great enthusiasm. As the Star Spangled Banner rings out over the crowds of people watching the night sky display of lights one thought runs through my mind. Broken and incomplete, “I am me.”

I am me, and I am not defined by anyone but myself. I am not defined by the boundaries of my country. The distance of this land gives me room to explore, but does not confine me to any limits. I am not defined by the laws set forth by my government. With all the respect I have for the leadership of my nation, it is not those in office who make me who I am. My actions create change, and the change I crave demands action. None of my decisions are made by the influence of my government.

I am not defined by my skin. Neither my porcelain white color nor my facial features can tell you who I am. Nor will they let you control me. My breasts, no matter how small they may be, do not define me as a woman. They do not say what kind of success I will have nor do they allow for others to define my success. My body and mind, as a woman do not define me. I cannot be stereotyped or discriminated against. I will not be taken advantage of or condescended because of my sex. I define my capabilities, and I define my womanhood.

This body of mine has been bound, and held. It has been owned and possessed and stolen. But me; my mind, my soul, and my heart, they are free. I am free. Just as this country is only free as long as we keep fighting for it, I am only free as long as I fight for myself. If I allow myself to fall to the control of others, I will crumble. But, no, it will not, I am free. Each night I bathe the labels, the hateful words, the negativity and the fear from my body. I watch as it curls down the drain.   I watch the oppression wash away. I watch the chains and ropes that latch onto me pearl on my skin and run down the bathroom tile.

Swirls of white sulfur settle like wispy clouds in the dark sky, the remnants of colorful fireworks that exploded only seconds before. Their mass spreads thinly through the air, taking their place as dust in the atmosphere. I watch the great blanket above separate the color from the smoke. I lean back into my hands. And I am free.