The Mess and Exhaustion of the Holidays

I had a busy weekend. So busy that my living room looks like this:

And because I have a busy week I suspect it won’t get much better until Saturday. Or maybe even Sunday. Can you tell I don’t have one of those anal-my-house-always-has-to-be-clean personalities? I wish I did. But alas, I do not.

On Saturday morning I gave up my beloved kickboxing class and obsessive reading of the Hunger Games so we could go shopping for a Christmas tree. I got the deal of the century when I purchased the opportunity to cut down a 6’-8’ foot tree at a local tree farm (well, if 43 miles away is local) for only $22 on a Groupon-type site run by moms called Juice in the City. It is not the beautiful Noble Fir I usually get from Costco for $48, but it was a deal and a fun family experience (and I’m on a really tight budget this year).

I did not want to go cut down a Christmas tree, I wanted to lay (or is that lie – I can never remember no matter how many times I look it up) in bed and read about what would become of Katniss and Peeta. But that would make me a lazy ass. And a bad mom. So I lifted my un-lazy ass good mom self out of bed and started my tree shopping day.

As we were driving I started to feel nauseous. Seriously nauseous. I’m sure it had to do with the fact that I was reading The Hunger Games in the car because I had to find out what was going to happen to Katniss, who was in quite a jam and about to be killed and I didn’t know how she could ever survive the particularly sticky situation she had gotten herself into even though she is the narrator of the story, so of course she would get out as I didn’t really think a new narrator would take over mid-book, but still, I had to know. And reading in the car always makes me sick. Every time. But I was trying to have my cake and eat it too – but having your cake and eating it too never works. It makes you nauseous.

And on top of being nauseous we ran into terrible traffic because there was a small fire on the side of the freeway. And then we got lost because Google Maps gave us wrong and stupid directions that took us to nowhere. Thankfully the lovely man at Santa Paula Tree Farm stayed on the phone with me until I pulled in the parking lot. If you live anywhere near (or like me 43 miles away) and still need a Christmas tree, I suggest going to the Santa Paula Tree Farm. It was lovely. But don’t use Google maps. It will get you lost.

After getting our tree I used my nausea as an excuse to go to In N’ Out Burger – yes when I feel nauseous I like to eat greasy food because it settles my stomach, which sounds weird, but I’m telling you it works. At least for me.

Then we went home and took down the Christmas decorations from the attic. (See living room photo above.)

Then I took a nap. A serious dead-to-the-world-in-pajamas-and-under-the-covers-of-the-bed-that-I-did-not-make nap. It lasted an hour and fifteen minutes. I would have slept longer but I was taking Marley to the KIIS FM Jingle Ball to see Lady Gaga. Yes, go ahead and say it – in the mom department I freaking rock. And so did Lady Gaga. She was awesome. Of course there were five or six other acts I had to suffer through watch to get to her –some that were barely tolerable- but moms that rock will do that. Marley even let me dance with her –and sing along, and even fist pump- which is usually not allowed, because a dancing, singing, fist-pumping mom is just not cool and a total embarrassment.  (At least that’s what she tells me when I do it in the kitchen.) But Marley is smart enough to know that if your mom wakes up from her cozy nap and drives 90 minutes in Saturday evening traffic to take you to see a couple of hours of bass-pumping noise to get to the prize of Lady Gaga and even buys you an overpriced tee shirt to advertise such fact at school on Monday, you kind of have to let her do the fist pump. Yeah, I’m a good mom, but she’s also a good kid.

On Sunday morning I woke up way too early so I could go to a nine hour luncheon. Okay, the luncheon wasn’t nine hours, but I was away from my house for nine hours. It was a charity luncheon for UCLA cancer research that my grandmother used to treat me and all the women in my family to and now my mom has picked up the tradition. I’ve been going for about 25 years. At the luncheon they raffle off pre-decorated Christmas trees and other prizes.

Over the years I’ve won about five different Christmas trees. (The Christmas trees are fake and small – about 3’-4’ feet- so do not ask why I went to buy a Christmas tree the day before I could have possibly won one. Even when I win them I still buy a live –or rather dead- tree. Don’t judge me!)

I’ve also won a $200 Nordstrom gift certificate, the $500 money tree, a trip to Laughlin, a weekend in Arrowhead, and a bunch of other cool stuff I can’t remember. It sounds like a lot –okay it is a lot- but I went for 10 years before winning a thing, and we buy a ridiculous amount of raffle tickets.  I haven’t won in quite a few years though. My winning streak could be over. But it’s still a great time.

It is a long luncheon –about four hours- but the reason I was gone so long is because I had to pick up my niece. She is 20 and currently without a car. I drew a little map to show you that I am not only a good mother, but a good aunt as well.

My niece won a $100 gift card for Nordstrom. It was the first time she’d ever won at the lunch. Needless to say she was ecstatic. We pass a Nordstrom on the way home from the luncheon and even though I was tired and Marley (who won a gorgeous quilt and her first Christmas tree) wanted to get home to start decorating for Christmas, of course we had to stop there so she could spend it. She bribed Marley with ice cream.

After dropping off my niece, Marley and I spotted a vintage surfboard for $20 at a yard sale (yes at 5:00 on a Sunday evening). Marley has a surf-themed room and we thought it would look cool in there. Maybe as a shelf. We stopped at the sale. I had no cash. I asked the woman to hold it for me. She said someone else left a while ago to go get some cash, but if I could beat her back the board was mine. It seemed kind of mean to do that –take the board out from under someone- but she said she’d been gone a while. Maybe she wasn’t coming back. Marley and I hightailed it to an ATM around the corner, were back in five minutes and bought the board. If you look closely you can see it in the photo of my living room in front of the couch. I hope it doesn’t stay there all week.

When we got home Marley was ready to start decorating. I told her I was too tired. I don’t care what my living room looks like.

She complained. A lot. “That’s not fair! You said we could decorate for Christmas,” she told me.

I reminded her about Gaga. And her winnings at the lunch. And chopping down the Christmas tree. And In N’ Out Burger. And even ice cream.

I was done (DONE!) and deservedly crawled back into my flannel sheet cozy bed with my good friends Katniss and Peeta.

My weekend reign as Queen of the Good Moms was over.

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