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viewsThe Many Faces of Facebook
By Charlene Ross, Monday, July 19, 2010, 5 commentsI was Facebook IMing with my first love about a year ago. (He started it!) It was nice – we were catching up – his oldest was getting married in a few days, (yikes, my oldest is 13!), I’m not a stay-at-home mom anymore; I’ve started writing and working in education instead of going back into the music industry, blah, blah, blah – all incredibly harmless and not the least bit flirty. Though he did ask if we could meet for coffee or lunch. I was vague and put him off a bit. It’s not that I was worried about seeing him or even thought my husband would care, it’s just that I’m Facebook friends with 3 ex-boyfriends and “real life” friends with one ex-boyfriend. I figured that even though my husband is truly not the jealous type – even of ex’s – one “real life” friendship with an ex-boyfriend is probably enough. Best to keep the Facebook ex’s where they belong – on my computer screen.
The next morning I woke up to a dream of me and the Facebook-IMing-ex-boyfriend having sex - without a condom (and not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not on birth control), in my grandmother’s bed, and afterwards my kids (and the kid next door) walked in as I tried to hide him under the covers and I screamed at them to get the f&*k out of the room. Yeah, some dreams are a bit tricky to figure out; this one not so much. I don’t think there has ever been a dream in the history of the world that was more clear than that one. Meeting him for lunch – or even coffee- was definitely out of the question.
I have a couple of close friends that reject Facebook completely. They roll their eyes at it and don’t see the point in getting in touch with people you haven’t seen or thought of in 30 years. I think that’s half the fun, but I will say that often after seeing what old friends look like and catching up in a couple of wall to walls you can kind of run out of things to chat about. But I’ve really reconnected with some people, which has been a lot of fun. And for the FB friends that I never really communicate with – well, I guess you could say that we make each other look more popular!
As much as I hate to admit it, there are times when I’m pretty addicted to it. I like the voyeuristic aspect and yes, even the look at me, look at me aspect. I mean I’m a writer; don’t all writers have a bit of the look at me inside of us? But what I like most about FB is seeing pictures of people and checking out their status updates, so yes, I do like the catching up and the getting to know people. In the mornings when I get up early to write I often have to force myself to work on my book or a blog instead of checking out Facebook “for just a minute or two” because I’ve literally lost my whole hour and a half allotted for writing without realizing it more than once. (Um, a lot more than once.) And sometimes when I write, Facebook is in the back of my mind. It’s a time-sucker. It’s a distraction. It’s like that cookie (or let’s be honest, that 2nd glass of wine) that I really, really want after dinner that I repeatedly tell myself I cannot have if I expect to lose the Christmas weight. It’s like freaking crack!
You can tell a lot about a person by spying into their lives via Facebook.
Of course there are people’s posts…
There are the people that report whatever cute thing their kids are doing at the moment. (Which reminds me - we were just talking at dinner last night about how Marley used to say "the lariest" instead of hilarious and Chandler used to call cars "bye byes" when he was a toddler. I mean how freaking cute is that?! What do you mean you don't care?... Whatever!)
The people who waste their time playing Farmville or Yoville or WhatevertheHotVilleoftheMonth is. Get a life people! (I prefer to waste time playing my time-sucking games in private – Spider Solitaire anyone?)
There are the people that start every day with a quote so you’ll think they are really smart or spiritual or introspective (and who knows – maybe they are).
There are those obnoxious people that blast their stupid blog posts every week like anyone even cares – oh wait, never mind – those people rock!
And then there are people in your friend network that never make wall posts or comments EVER. Trust me – those are the people to watch out for. You may think they never go on Facebook – but they do… and they are watching YOU! (I know, I’m married to one of those.)
Of course you can also find out a lot about a person through the pictures they post. For example I found out that my high school boyfriend who now lives in a Las Vegas suburb has a permanent stripper pole in his den. (I know, how did I let him get away?!) Not quite sure how he explains that one to his 8-year-old son. (But I’m pretty sure I know whose house his son and all his friends will be hanging out at in a few years!) You are probably not shocked to know that he is divorced and has dated his fair share of strippers. (And for those of you that think I’m a prude or have something against stripper poles, I’m not and I don’t – I’m just sayin’ that when there’s kids in the house you might want to keep that tucked away in the closet or under the bed with all the other sex toys and only take it out when junior’s sleeping. But again…that’s just me.)
Major digression… sorry… where was I? Oh yeah, the things you kind find out about people on Facebook… here we go…
You can also find out a lot about people by the groups that they join…
“Americans Calling for the Impeachment of Obama” …Nice! (that was a sarcastic Nice)…Note to Self: dump certain friends when they are not looking because Democrats should rule the earth and everyone should share same politcal views as me and think exactly like me! (Again with the sarcasm in case you were wondering.)
“Outback Steakhouse” or “Olive Garden” Really? You like mainstream, chain restaurants so much that you have to give them a big shout out and “like” them on your Facebook page? That’s okay, not judging. (Probably not going out to dinner with you anytime soon either!)
“Malibu Wines Tasting Room” … and 15 other wineries or wine tasting rooms… hmmmm… methinks this friend might have a problem! (and no that is not me – I only “like” 10 wineries or wine tasting rooms – sheesh!)
“How Was School Today?” “Fine” “What Did You Do” “Nothing”… yes this is an actual page that my son “likes”. (And pretty much sums up our daily conversations during the school year.) My son and I are not friends on Facebook. He does not need to know about my 10 wine pages or see that I am friends with 3 ex-boyfriends (not that he would know) or see drunken pictures of me at a wedding, but I DO need to know what he does on Facebook so I have his password and monitor his account. He and/or his friends also “like” pages called “Stand still and the bee won't sting you" F*** that, I'm running!!”, "Can this onion ring get more fans than Justin Bieber?" and "When I Lose- Who cares it's only a game. When I win - HAHA IN YOUR FACE!" Have I mentioned that he’s 13?
And then there’s the people who like skirt.com and especially Ventura skirt! Those people are cool! (And I’m so glad that I’m friends with them.)
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5 Comments
My least favorite are the
My least favorite are the "fill your newsfeed with booklong status updates and song lyrics!" Get a blog, people. And thank goodness for the "hide" option :)
oh come on......
....what about those of us who use Facebook to keep everyone up to date on Lindsay's legal woes or Khloe Kardashian's sibling crises???? Favorite. Blog. Eva. xoxo
Love this. So true. I'm
Love this. So true. I'm friends with 2 exes on facebook and I love to spy on them. So what? When my hubby found out he was none too happy, but didn't ask me to defriend them. So I think he gets points for that. And I put my WHOLE life out there for the world to read in my blog posts, so I think those people rock too!
I'm a little like your husband.
I like to see what people are doing from time to time, but I don't post all that often and when I do? It is mostly a comment on a picture or replying to someone's post. It is definitely interesting to see what people find important on their pages though. Some people are a little scary after you get to know them.
Smiled the Whole Way
I love you. I just sat here smiling the entire read. You're so right. Everyone but my kids needs to look at me because my swimmer kicked your YoVille ass. My kids need to be watched by me (that may be the only way I'll know how their day was or who their friends are!) and vote Democrat!
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