Why Bradley Cooper Should Date Me

At the risk of sounding conceited – because I’m really, really not – I swear, but I just gotta say…

If Renee Zellweger could tap Bradley Cooper, then most certainly I have a pretty good chance. I mean okay, so she’s a glamorous academy award winning actress with a wildly interesting life and I’m a boring soccer mom with two kids, a husband, and a mortgage on a perfectly average tract home…but, but Renee Zellweger?  I mean she’s cute, gorgeous even but I'm cute and I think I was gorgeous once, for 5 minutes in 1992. And okay, she’s like a size 0 and I’m a size 8 but I’m also at least four or five inches taller than her. (The way I choose to look at it is I’m an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10 and she’s a 0! What? Different kind of scale? Damn!)

And she might be teeny-tiny skinny, but I saw a picture of her with my future boyfriend Bradley in Spain eating breakfast and she was eating a big bowl of watermelon. For breakfast. Now I’ve certainly eaten watermelon with breakfast, but never for breakfast. I’ll tell you what if I was vacationing in Spain and was having breakfast at a cute little outdoor cafe I’d be one cranky bitch all day if I only had watermelon for breakfast! (It’s my personal theory that all extremely skinny women are cranky. It may not be true, but it’s how I rationalize things and make myself feel better about my thighs. But I am willing to bet that Renee was much happier in general when she was filming the Bridget Jones movies.)

And another thing - my husband says that he wouldn’t have sex with her and he has sex with me all the time. (Well, not exactly all the time I mean we have been together for 20 years and do have those kids and that mortgage that for whatever reason –oh yeah, stress coupled with exhaustion- seems to put a damper on both of our sex drives, but you know what I mean! We could have sex all the time. If we wanted to.)

All I’m saying is if Bradley can hang out with a 40-year-old cute actress for a couple of months, why not a 44-year-old cute mom? Look, I don’t even require a couple of months. I actually like my husband and kids. (You know, most days!) I’m just looking for a long weekend. (The kind that starts on Wednesday and ends the following Monday or Tuesday.) He doesn’t even have to be seen in public with me. I mean, I wouldn’t want to ruin his rep as a Hot Hollywood Stud. I’d sacrifice the lack of paparazzi attention. We can just stay in a 5-star hotel with 1,000 thread count sheets the whole time. I wouldn’t even require maid service. Room service however, would be a must. (Hold the watermelon!)

*Since reading this blog my husband would like everyone to know that he would absolutely sleep with Renee Zelllweger. He said he'd take that same weekend please.

Follow me on Twitter @Rossgirl08 and connect with me on Facebook.