Is this love that I'm feeling?

I’m so scared.

I’m scared I’ll pinch myself and wake up, or just wake up period…realize this is all just a dream. I can’t believe some girl hasn’t snatched him up already. I thank God for that. Normally, that’s the case. All the good ones are already claimed, leaving nothing but losers for pickings. Once – just once – I want to be the bitch that snags a winner, a good guy.

Dear God, is this finally my turn?

While I hesitate to jinx myself by revealing too much, it appears that’s the case. Even with him living out of state, we’re managing to make it work, largely because he’s meeting me half way. Can I just say how amazingly awesome that is? It requires less energy on my part, thereby freeing me up to enjoy him and us. In carrying his load, he’s also demonstrating his sincerity and maturity.

He’s telling me he wants the same thing.

I don’t need to hear him say the words; his actions speak volumes. I don’t need to listen to my head or heart, either. All I need do is listen to my gut – that voice inside of me. It’s usually screaming, shouting, nagging, about-to-hurl-chunks…all because the guy is so completely and horribly wrong for me. Until I take heed and listen, it will not shut up. With this guy, however, the opposite couldn’t be truer. My inner voice likes him very much.

And a happy inner voice means a happy me.

When I’m with him, I practically transform. I feel elated, beautiful, cherished, protected, and important. It’s the little things he does, you know? I constantly catch him gazing at me – not creepy like, just gazing. He tells me I’m beautiful, he kisses my hand for no reason, and he always holds it. When I stayed at his place, I passed him in the hallway wearing a cute, yellow top. He stopped and gently grabbed me, turned me around, and complimented my appearance.

I’ll never forget the smile on his face.

He certainly put one on mine, and he still does…usually. We’ve had our bumps in the road, mostly due to our long-distance relationship. That…and technology’s massive overtake on humanity. It has literally interwoven itself into the very fiber of our being, so much so, we can’t bother to pick up the phone to hear another’s voice.

When I returned from visiting him, our communication consisted largely of text messages. This bothered me, of course, and we’re working on it. I must admit I don’t like talking on the phone much, either. Texts are more convenient; they’ve become my “new norm.”

I guess no one’s immune to technology’s effects.

But I feel good about him, you know? If I could describe the feeling, I would, but I’m afraid words aren’t enough. Some things in life are so sweet, they can’t be expressed…only experienced. Love is, after all, one of life’s great mysteries.

It’s the very essence of God, Himself.

But that’s getting way too deep, so I won’t go there (it’s your lucky day). He’s coming up in a few weeks, so naturally, I’m in super-seduce mode. I’ve got outfits, manis, pedis, (panties), all sorts of good stuff planned. You want to know what the best part is? I know he’ll notice, and I know he’ll appreciate it.

I know he appreciates me.

PS – My apologies to anyone who tried to read my last blog and couldn’t. I revealed too much (shocker), and I tried to delete it, but couldn’t. So I just deleted all the text and left it hanging limp in cyberspace. Long story short, I reconnected with an old friend…in many ways. Boom, you’re caught up.