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viewsWhat Happens to Logic When Love Moves In
By Brenda G., Friday, September 24, 2010, 2 commentsToday I had a heart-to-heart with my Karma handler. I can’t see her but she is all around me pushing and nudging, tempting and teasing me into situations that I have a predefined weakness for. Surprisingly she is a lot like Amazon, based on your previous order we suggest the following...
In my case, it’s lanky, geeky men. It’s a curse.
Twenty years ago, my handler sent me Latin lover. I swooned and surrendered without knowing the consequences of my actions, but this is oft the case with first time love. Love swoops in without a warning taking over the major organs in your body (brain, heart, lungs) and soon the world is awash in tiny pink rose petals. I don’t recall a gloomy time during all those days and lingering nights lying in his arms. The bliss cocktail, it packs a punch.
I still wonder what happens to logic when love moves in because later when he said to me, “Love isn’t on my to-do list just yet my sweet girl, I have to go. I’m going to Law school and after that I have a life to figure out” I folded. He wasn’t ready for an extra appendage. I blew bubbles and my eyes swirled round and round like a slot machine after you’ve dropped the coins. Whoa, this is what heartbreak feels like I remember thinking before being swallowed by the dark side. Latin man left me to follow his dreams. He went East and I crossed the Atlantic.
Years went by before the beat of my heart found its pace. I married safely, had a family and thought this is it, life in balance. I knew it wasn’t the same, but it was good and sometimes good is good enough. I soldiered on and packed life into every nook and cranny never looking back, never allowing myself to consider that sort of passion that boils off your skin like a vapor. I counted my blessings because there were many.
Then, there is always a then in these sorts of reflections, after crossing back over the Atlantic and starting another chapter in my life I met another lanky-geeky type with grey eyes whose voice was more a calling than a choice. He had me at ‘come-hither’. I never stood a chance, not one. I figured Karma was bored with my status quo and sent lanky number 2 to me knowing I was ripe for the picking and that I would place him in my shopping cart without hesitation. Karma was right I was ready.
It’s funny, in a twisted life sucks sort of way, that when you are given what you never admitted you wanted, not even to yourself, and after you have it you never want to be without it. And after you burrow down into a blanket of bliss the magic is taken away from you without warning, and you are left scratching your head thinking… “What just happened to me?” And ever after that moment you find yourself tuning the radio dial to country music stations, and are suddenly buying Dwight Yoakham CD’s. And how quite out of character that you are now prone to browsing the Romance section at Barnes and Noble with the pathetic hope of recapturing the moment his lips brushed yours, his body melting into your skin, as if there was ever a question it belonged anywhere but with yours. How you convince yourself that by reading the torrid words in those dime-store novels you will recapture the lost passion.
My heart is on extended sabbatical since I said good-bye to lanky number two (my choice) and is likely to stay gone for a long while, especially after what happened. This morning standing in line at Starbucks for my grande-no room for cream-cuppa-on the go-coffee when I turned to leave there was Latin man all hugs and smiles grabbing and holding me like it was yesterday then telling me he works in San Francisco now. Oh goodie, lucky me I thought. Of course, I was speechless and still reeling from the previous night’s encounter. When I left my office and crossed through the alley as always, I slowed for a sleek black car pulling out the garage in the building to my right. I knew it was his car, the come-hither man’s. He stopped the car, we locked eyes and as we did, time sucked me back into the dark swirl of longing.
It turns out my Karma handler thought it would be amusing that lanky one and two should work in the same city where I work and in the buildings to the left and right of mine. I am struggling to find the humor here, and why of all the places in this vast universe that both men should end up on the same street as me. This is a big City, state, country, and world.
Come on Karma cut me some slack. OK, I get that I was ready for love the first time with the Latin one, and sure I married safely and I wasn’t boiling, so I kind of get why sent me the last one (the one with come-hither), but what I don’t understand is why the two men that broke my heart are now so accessible.
I can still hear her cackle.
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2 Comments
Life With Karma
I loved your post. Brings me to thoughts I had a few weeks ago. My husband died a little over two years ago. He had breathing issues as on of the side effects of his imune system disease. I've dated a little, but nothing much. Then I met a young man (and I mean young) who came to work in my yard with his grandfather, my handyman. Our eyes met and, for some reason I can't fathom, he thought I was hot. Hard to resist that. We hit it off. A list of why we shouldn't a mile long. Then suddenly within a few months he becomes ill, has surgery, and is on life support. Just before his surgery I watched his breathing difficulties. Same difficult task as my husband's. I asked Karma and The Man Above, what is this about? I am just healing from losing my life's love, now I may lose the young guy who is my best buddy. Karma? Hell, maybe.
My friend is off life support now, but still there is a question on his condition.
Pain is horrible, but life without that zap that takes your breath away is pretty dull. Drink your Starbucks grande and enjoy. How amazing they are both in your same place at the same time. Maybe number three will come along and sweep you off your feet and your two old loves will be heart broken to see you so happy without them. Now that is a message from Karma I like.
I love your writing by the way!
Oh my! I do wonder about the
Oh my! I do wonder about the twist of fate, it's timing and purpose. Since I tend to live without preplanning, and flow with the tide I accept that there is a reason for the twists and turns... as you probably do to... What caught me in your comment 'was our eyes met', I do believe in that old song, "some enchanted evening...." there is something out there a little like magic that happens between two people.. Thank you kindly for you comment. I do hope your friend recovers and that you, like I, remain intrigued by the mystery of life. Take good care.
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