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viewsDropping a Few Pounds
By Brenda G., Thursday, July 8, 2010, 5 commentsI am always on the lookout for quick weight-loss-programs that don’t involve me having to change anything in my lifestyle. I like to eat good food, drink hearty wine, and although I despise exercise with every ounce of my being, I am at the gym five days a week. Still, I keep watch for miracle cures because I devoured Cosmo, Glamour, and Teen Beat magazines back in the day, and realize the only way for me to be truly happy, is for my body to be rail thin. So, if there is a pill that promises to give me a size 9 body—gimmee, gimmee.
At least weekly, I devour my email spam folder for the mass-marketing emails that promise amazing results if only I hand over my credit card number. I’ve yet to order or try any of these miracle products because of the fine print and the possibility of instant death, and of course, there is my personal favorite, ‘results may vary’. I am holding out for the sure thing. A girl can hope.
Today was no different, I scanned my email and read with delight that I could extend my man’s private parts and enjoy more pleasure—gimmee, gimmee, I said. I read on, there were a couple of emails from credible sounding banks telling me that there where millions of Euros in a bank waiting for me, and all I had to do was send them money and they would unlock the account and millions would be mine. Then there was the one email, the one that drew me in—lose twenty-five pounds in two weeks. ‘Click here’ and follow this link to order your miracle-weight-loss-pill. I would have the me that I had always wanted in less than fifteen days. My heart fluttered.
I didn’t ‘click here’ to follow the link to the website. Instead, and without premeditation, I caught myself creating my very own instant weight lost program. It came upon me all at once, and didn’t require any changes to my lifestyle, nor did it require an investment, nor a credit card, nor that I read any fine print, and there were no nasty side effects, like death and dismemberment.
It went like this,
- Throw out the jean purchased two years ago that is one size too small I am hoping to shrink into.
- Throw out the suits, dresses, blouses, skirts, and slacks hanging in the back of the closet that I have not worn in the last three years.
- Throw out that size ten chip on my shoulder that I sometimes carry around when my pride is wounded.
- Throw out that lost love I pine over during the blue moon, the solar eclipse, Tuesday and Friday, and every time I listen to Astral Weeks.
- Throw out all those Love Letters I wrote to the lost love (hmmm, not yet—possible tell all memoir)
- Throw out all those ‘I wish I hads’, ‘I should’ves and could’ves’, ‘why didn’t I do this instead of that’, and ‘I’ll never give my heart away agains’
- Throw out the book of ‘how to do it right’ and ‘by the book’, and instead, buy a blank notebook, and write and all about me book.
- And finally, throw away all those perfect life, body, happiness, definitions that I read about in girlie magazines.
I poured myself a glass of that hearty wine, munched on a non-for-prime-time-snack typed up my list, and felt those pounds disappearing into the folds. It’s a place to start, and only a mental diet, but damn if I don’t look hot and svelte, almost shiny even, in my new, lighter self.
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5 Comments
That sounds like the perfect
That sounds like the perfect diet. I could stand to lose 50 pounds on that!
It's a combo of mental and
It's a combo of mental and the hours at the gym. So much of the process is mental and liking the women looking back from the other side of the mirror.
So true! I always wonder if
So true! I always wonder if guys have a problem with this too. Or is just the fact that we are objectified so much based on presentation that we internalize and put pressure on ourselves? Here's to change!
I think some men (the more
I think some men (the more vainer of the variety) are, but I do believe the presure we women put on ourselves is great, which is silly because perfection is self-defined, and regardless of what we are striving for, the goal post will move an inch or mile, out of reach. thanks for the words, and yes, cheers to change.
Miss Sexpot & Don't Know It
Brenda, dahhhhling, I shall post (toast) to you, my sweet.
In the short time it takes me to write the blog, it is dedicated to you. Enjoy!!
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