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viewsThe 3AM Question—I Am Who?
By Brenda G., Monday, March 22, 2010Opposite of the 3AM wonderings of ‘who am I’ that plagues the human soul from time to time I ask the other question--I am who? Since I’ve spent a huge chunk of my introspective time asking the ‘who’ question I am clear on the subject of me. I know all of me, the extra twenty pounds around my middle, the severed pieces of my heart that I carry inside a ZIPLOC baggie inside of my-purse-of-the-week, and all the breaths I am required to exhale when I am hurting.
I know all of the nuances of me, and some I wish didn’t. I am clear on the subject of me; there are no questions I would not answer. I'd even answer the unanswerable ones, those classified as such because our souls do have their secrets. I would be a winner on Jeopardy if the subject were me.
- I know where I’ve been
- Where I came from
- Where, when and how I’ve gotten lost and tangled in life’s vines
- Where my secrets are stored
- Where and when I lost my heart the first time, and the last time
- When and where I was when I lost my virginity
- Where I lost and found myself
- I know what drives me, what cripples me, what stands me stil
- I know where I am going
What wakes me at 3AM is the opposite of who am I, rather it the question I am who? I am not on a quest to understand what makes me—me. I am on another journey, the discovery of those specifics that define me. I know the answers, but I ponder the destination.
- I am a writer—just typing those words sends tingles up the back of my spine, as they would if my lover’s hand were upon my skin—but still I wonder, just what kind of writer am I?
- I am a woman in motion, but I am I not always moving forward—why do I root?
- I am a passionate lover that lost her heart to another who keeps it, but doesn’t need it –why won’t he return it since it’s not an asset he values.
- Even though I’ve arrived at this place in my life, and I am blessed with a gift of imagination and words, then why do I thirst for more? Why am I hungry?
- When I arrive at my destination, will it feel me up?
- When I see the door to my destiny will I recognize it, or will I walk by it without a second glance?
- I’ve accepted who I am, but I can’t help but ask when I am standing in the elevator looking at my reflection, ‘I am who?’ A rhetorical question poses itself to me when I’m alone, and the question that I ask myself at 3AM.
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